i feel like i'm under the ocean
but i'm not drowning
i have gills
it's just
i'm not sinking
it's not dark around me
i'm just
floating here
being carried along by the currents
pushed and pulled, here and there
but i don't really care
i don't really mind it
i'm just
letting it do what it wants
i'm just floating here
i'm not moving forward
i'm not moving backward
i'm not floating up to the surface
i'm not sinking
i'm just
here
and it's infuriating
because no matter how loud i scream
there's no way they'll hear me
unless they are as deep as i am
unless they are at the exact location i am
in which ocean
which point
which meter
i mean, i can quite easily
see the ships and boats
passing above
see the water move with it
until at once it is still
and quiet again
but it's not peaceful
i don't know how to put it
all i can say
i can do to try and make you understand
though i know you won't
it's just
i'm sorry
this is all i can say
i'm just going to say this
and hope it makes since
i mean, hope is my middle name anyway
literally
i'm underwater but i'm breathing fire.
yes, that's it.
i'm underwater but i'm breathing fire.
and then the fire comes out
and it just
it looks so powerful
feels so powerful
but then
when it is actually acted upon
it is just
smoke
no, not even smoke
it's just
it's nothing
it's supposed to be fire
where is the fire
where is my salvation
where is my fire
where has my fire gone
who took it
who snuffed it out
where is my fire
where is my fire?
it used to burn through my veins like little lightning bugs
it used to set fire to my words
burning everything they touched.
it used to burn out a path before me
it would
it was my defense mechanism, i guess
i'd turn to it when things went haywire
i'd tell them to look me in the eyes
to look me in my eyes
my eyes
i'd tell them to look at that bright, bright, ever burning flame
and i'd tell them,
i'd tell them,
i dare you to dance with it.
and every time,
they did.
every single time
they danced with it.
and oh, did they dance.
they fought beautifully
the perfect,
perfect
choreography of bloodshed
and still i wonder
why does it...
it's there
i know it is
i breathe fire
i know i do
so why does it—
