no, i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i was always so negative.
i'm sorry i ordered you around
i'm sorry i took advantage of your soft heart
i'm sorry i made you apologize every time
i'm sorry i wasn't kinder to you
i'm sorry i never said thank you
i'm sorry i never gave you a shoulder to cry on
i'm sorry i never took your problems away
i'm sorry i hurt you
i'm sorry i broke you
i'm sorry i shattered you
no, don't argue.
i did.
because you shattered yourself trying to fix me.
and if you don't understand why i cannot allow that
it is because that's what ethan did to me.
and i swore to never inflict that upon someone else
not even my worst enemy.
i know what it's like to shatter yourself to fix someone else.
you take out pieces that aren't as important
ones that you can survive without
and give them to this person, stick them in place
telling them, i don't need these. they're only extra weight. you can have them.
you won't realize you're doing it
until you're sliding down a wall crying
and i'm—
do you remember that night?
taylor, do you remember it?
you talked with me through it.
to be honest you didn't help too much
but you knew that. you knew you couldn't help me.
but you at least wanted to be there
if my tears were going to fall, you were going to catch them.
do you remember that night?
the screen blurred as you ran to your bathroom to hide your tears
you shut the door and locked it.
do you remember what you told me?
it'll be okay. it'll be okay. i don't know how, i don't know when, but i promise you, it'll be okay.
and i repeated over and over
no it won't, no it won't, no it won't
but if there is one thing
that you never quit telling me
not just that night, but every single one before
and after
there was one thing
you never quit telling me.
it'll be okay. i promise you, it'll be okay. it'll get better.
you promised me words
but what you really did was promise me happiness.
and on tuesday, march fifth of this year
it was the end.
the finale had finally come
the curtains were finally being closed
and the ends were finally being tied.
but that was a lie.
there are so many ends left that were not tied off
so many left in tatters
maybe it was me
but you promised me it would be okay
and i can't say you broke that promise
i can't say you lied
because then, that would be a lie
but it also wouldn't be too wrong
if i did say it.
but no.
you were right.
it was okay.
i don't know where he is now
he's gone
i don't even know if he's alive—
but i know
i know it's okay.
like we said,
maybe not great, maybe not good, maybe just okay.
and okay is enough.
okay is enough.
okay?
okay.
it'll be okay, okay?
okay.
i lied.
i lied every time.
i never once believed you.
one of them died in flames
another just disappeared
two walked away to live another life
and the captain stayed with her ship
and raised a kid.
but the one girl that was left with the captain,
she told their story.
she told his.
for not once
would she ever
let the world forget
who they were
and what they did.
never.
but the point of this
was to tell you,
okay was enough.
my heart still cracks and trembles
and i find myself sobbing until i'm choking on my tears and i can't breathe
it's not great. it's not good. i'm dying.
but it's okay.
it's okay, and that's enough.
i mean, it could've been worse, right?
it could've been worse...
no.
my point was to tell you
that you deserved better.
me, i mean.
you didn't deserve me.
god, no.
the point of this was to finally say the words,
she deserved better, and i did not deserve her.
and i still don't.
i don't deserve to get better.
i don't deserve to be okay.
i don't deserve to have a happy ending.
and i didn't.
the ending left me choking on my own blood.
but always remember this, taylor.
always remember,
you deserved better.
