i hope one day i'll be able to see the sun
without being reminded of you
i hope one day i'll be able to feel it touch my skin without being burned
i hope one day
until then
i will break and break and break
in the hopes
that you will be okay
and i can see myself shattering in the sunlight
seeing the prism it shines through
refracting and designing a rainbow
but in this monochrome world
how can it be beautiful?
how can i be beautiful?
a boy once told me
no, yelled at me
that all i ever think
is black and white.
he told me there is no gray area for me,
everything's just black and white.
there's no in between, he said.
i'm sorry that i think what i see
i'm sorry that you can't understand me
i know i'm shattering myself again
just like i did with ethan
i haven't shattered yet
i'm not broken
i'm not a toy that needs fixing
but i know it will come
one day
it will come
and i know i'm leading myself on again
but this time it's for a good cause
that's what i thought last time
because it's for a good person
that's what i thought last time
yesterday i looked myself in the mirror and i realized i didn't know who i was
i realized i don't know what i like and what i don't
i realized i don't know who i am
i've lost myself down that void
but it's comforting
not knowing who you are.
because when you're no one
you're anything
and to be anything i could be
i could be an angel
i could be a demon
i could destroy this world or save it
or i could just be a human
and lie here in wait
for the world to go up in flames
around me
i hope one day i can set foot on that old playground
and not hear the mulch like crunching bones beneath my feet
i hope one day i can walk upon those marble floors again and not see the shine like pooling blood at my feet
i hope one day i can set foot into my nightmares
and will no longer be afraid
i hope one day i can step into the darkness
and see light
