but i'm not sorry.
i'm sorry, self. i'm sorry i tore you to shreds and ripped you apart at the seems, i'm sorry i slammed you against glass until you broke, i'm sorry i used you as a punching bag, i'm sorry i threw you in front of the gunfire and i'm sorry you were a human shield, i'm sorry for using you as the net below the rope, i'm sorry i killed you and resurrected you in cycles again and again.
i'm sorry you died every night to watch them breathe.
but i'm not sorry.
i'm sorry for putting you through all of that agony, twisting and contorting your bones like they were twigs.
i'm sorry the light was wrenched from your eyes like blood from a rag.
but i had to do what i needed to do
i had to do what needed to be done
to save them.
death wasn't enough
it was never
enough.
but they got their happy ending
they lived
they survived
and taylor:
"maybe not good, maybe not great, but okay."
you were right.
i don't think i would say it was good
sure as hell not great
but it was okay.
and okay
is enough.
but the pain did not stop at death
my body was kicked mercilessly
my corpse was pulled around like a puppet.
but every time i will look into his yellow and red eyes with my chin held high and say,
"it was worth it."
a million times over, a trillion
lifetimes
and i will still say
it was worth it.
not once have i ever regretted what i did
not for a second.
call me selfish
tell me i did it to ease my pain and worry
but i know you are wrong
i cant show you what happened to me
how i suffered happily
no, it isn't fucked up
it was- selfless?
i dont know.
their story is over now
and i guess mine is just beginning
and even though i feel like a black hole without them
i've got to move
i've got to pick my feet up
and walk
even with this bullet in my leg
i have got
to try
call me selfish
but if you could see what i see in my mirror
if you-
no.
i don't give a fuck.
i don't need to prove anything to you
-this is a disgrace
taylor, are you still there?
swr.
why did this mean so much to me?
because it's real
they are all real
these bleeding wrists were so they could live
i cut a deal with someone so they could be happy
be okay in the end
as long as i suffered.
do you hate me for it?
i had not hesitated.
i grabbed his hand immediately and shook it, sealing the deal.
i waited seven years
i am willing to wait seventy more.
i t
w a s
w o r t h
i t
please
please talk to me again
i have a lifetime to tell you
i have a lifetime of stories to tell you
of memories to recall
as if you were there, too.
please please
taylor, i cant feel a thing
