Don't Call Me Baby (Billy Hargrove)

-Chapter thirty nine-

Emilia

Since it's my birthday, Billy let me bring my own tape along and play it in his car. I seriously couldn't decide on one, but I made sure I grabbed the one that had all my favorite pop artists on it, and right now the horrified look on Billy's face explained how he was feeling about my taste in music. But atleast in this car ride my ear drums weren't aching from the rock music he usually played.

'Another minute of listening to this trash and I think I'm going to crash into a tree' Billy jokes and I scoff before dramatically flipping him off, causing him to laugh hysterically at my childish behaviour.

'It's my birthday, and if you love me you'll sit through a car ride listening to my songs' I state with a cheeky smile on my face, and I feel it grow wider when he turns to me and bites his lip, then his hands come down to my thigh and he squeezes it.

'You're right, I do love you' He says and I lean over and place a peck on his cheek, causing him to hum before I sit back and let him drive us to where ever he had planned. I lean my head down onto the window and shut my eyes for a few moments. And when I did, I imagined the look on Steve's face again, the same sad look he wore when I turned him down, and I recapped his words.

'But does he love you?'

Billy does love me, doesn't he? And I love him just as much, but something inside of me was telling me different. For a moment when I shut my eyes, I imagined it was Steve in the drivers seat instead of Billy, humming along to my songs while his hand rested on my thigh. For a short moment, I smiled at the fact that maybe Steve could be the one who drives me around at late hours, he could be the one that kisses me passionately, he could be the one I bring my parents to, and feel proud about knowing he was mine.

But I re-opened my eyes and the daydream vanished, Billy had parked up the car outside of a small feild, big enough to be surrounded by a forest of trees and had a good view of the stars. He pushed open his door and got out and I followed behind him.

'Star gazing?' I question as he reaches into the back seats and pulls out a blanket, and I raise my eyebrows at the strange sight. Billy Hargrove star gazing, the two shouldn't be put in the same sentence, but it brought a smile to my face that he actually considered doing something I liked.

The back story to this activity, is that when I was little, my parents would drive out on some nights after dinner to a feild. They'd park up the car, bring a blanket along and some food, and we sit on the feild sprawled with one another while we admired the stars. It was an important part of my childhood, and I'm surprised Billy remembered that it was important to me.

'I've never done it, but I figured I'd give it a try, for you' He says before he walks over to the feild, lays the blanket down before taking a seat on it, and waving me over to sit next to him. I sigh as I plop down beside him, and I lay back to gaze up at the stars scattered across the sky.

'It's beautiful out here' I sigh out as I scan my eyes other the bright image above me.

'It's beautiful like you' Billy mumbles out and I turn my head to look at him, he's busy staring at me with a content smile on his face while he props himself up on his elbow. I let out a laugh before I place my hand on his.

'You're so cheesy' I joke as I turn back and look at the stars above us, and I rest my head against the blanket, my arms resting at my sides while my hand rests on Billy's. Our fingers interlock and I feel him squeeze my hand before he sighs, then he shifts closer to me and leans his head down so it rests on my shoulder.

'Just imagine if we didn't live in Hawkins, if we had traveled somewhere exotic, or some place that looked like paradise. We could have a home to ourselves, and go stargazing every night in our backyard....God I'm just talking nonsense aren't I?' I say as I let out a shaky laugh, but I feel Billy sigh out.

'That sounds...perfect' Billy says quietly before it goes silent around us.

I start to hum a song while the crickets chirp around us, and I hear Billy exhale heavily before he tucks his head into the nape of my neck. My humming escalates into fully singing, and I'm softly singing to Billy while he rests on me. He places a kiss onto my skin, slowly trailing them down until they reach my collar bones, then he pulls away and lifts his head to look up at me.

'You're so special...what did I do to deserve you?' Billy sighs out as his hands rest on mine, and I swallow hard as I see tears prick at his eyes.

'I've done nothing but treat you like an object, you don't deserve that...I don't deserve you' Billy sobs while he stares into my eyes.

'I can't give you anything Steve can, I can't be this picture perfect boyfriend you want, and I hate myself for it' Billy says, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence.

'I don't want you to go away' He says quietly before he lets stray tears fall from his eyes, and instinctively my hands reach out and I caress his cheeks, wiping away the tears while I shifted so I was sitting up straight, and he was leaning on me. He wraps his arms tightly around my waist before he drops his head and rests it on my shoulder.

It was so strange how his mood changed, one minute he was being his usual charming self, then the next minute he's sobbing and expressing his feelings to me. But this was the Billy that was fragile, the one that only cried when his father was too much. I brushed my fingers through his blonde hair and I lift his head up so I can see his face.

His cheeks were wet from the tears and his blue eyes were piercing through the moonlight, and in this moment I realized something. Billy is far from perfect, he doesn't have neat hair like Steve, he doesn't behave like he should, and he hides his emotions. He was just a mess, but he was constantly afraid of me hating him over the things he did and mistakes he's made like everyone else does.

Billy Hargrove isn't Steve Harrington, not even close, but that's what made him special, he is special to me. So I plant a kiss on Billy's lips, and savour the fact that he was my own, he didn't try to be someone he wasn't, and most of the time his personality showed through our relationship.

'I'm not gonna leave' I mumble out as I move to hug him and he tucks his head back into the nape of my neck.

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Ffs I'm so cheesy, but I'm listening to Dancing on my own while I write this and I'm fucking emotional, like fml I'm getting feels while listening to this and writing this chapter -D ♡