Walls

Chapter 26 part1

We ate then had small talks. Jayson even sang another song for me. Jayson was really sweet. He is such a keeper that I can't help but feel guilty with the kiss that Jace and I shared back at the resort.

I kissed Jace. I knew I still have feelings for him. I knew I still love him. I knew he has always been the one. I was just in denial back then. I didn't want to admit because I was hurt. I was afraid. I was uncertain of his intention so I tried to conceal. I didn't knew it would be this complicated. I didn't knew that Jayson would fall for me. I didn't knew that my best friend would be in the mess I am in with Jace.

I looked at Jayson who was fixing the things we used, folding in the blanket and placing it neatly inside the basket.

I genuinely love Jayson. I genuinely care for him. But not as much as I love Jace, not as much as I care for Jace. Yes, Jace and I fight. We argue. We have differences, but we both know we still love and care for each other despite it all. Yes, he made a huge mistake for leaving me in time when I needed him the most, but I did mistakes too. I am not clean. I have a fair share for everything.

And Jayson, I can't tell him. I can't hurt him. I can't hurt the guy that helped me fix myself. I can't hurt the guy that did nothing wrong to me. I can't say it. But I know I should.

"Let's go? I'll walk you home." He said offering his hand as he smiled at me after he left the things we used in the lobby.

I stared at his hand and took it. I met his stare and tried to smile at him.

We started to walk towards Krissy's apartment.

"Is anything wrong?" He worriedly asked.

"Huh?" I asked.

"You're zoning out again." He looked at my eyes.

I knew I can't hide this from Jayson. I had to tell him.

"I'm fine. Just tired from work." I suddenly said. I wanted to hit myself for saying the other way around.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Y-yeah." I said avoiding his stare.

He looked at me unconvinced but he didn't insisted more as we walked in silence.

We were just a few blocks away from Krissy's apartment. The closer we get the more anxious I become.

I had to tell him now.

"J-Jayson?"

"Hmm?"

"C-Can.. uhm.." I said loss in words.

He patiently waited for me to finish my sentence.

I looked around and saw a park.

"Can we go there first?" I asked pointing at the park.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

I nodded and walked towards the park.

I felt Jayson followed me.

I kept walking as I think of how I would tell Jayson how I felt. I wanted to tell him because I knew he would hurt more if I continue to lead him into hoping I could love him the way he wanted.

I wanted to tell him in a way that I would not lose my best friend. He is important to me. I love Jayson. And I hate the situation we are in. I hate that I had to tell him I can only love him as my friend.

***

Jayson's POV

I can feel something is wrong. Dani is zoning out again. I can tell she is thinking deeply about something. I am nervous. Is it about Jace and I? Did she already picked one of us? Did she already chose Jace? Did she already realized she still love Jace?