Walls

Chapter 27 part2

I closed Jayson's room as quietly as I can avoiding to wake him up. I went upstairs and proceeded to one of the rooms I used to like before but dreaded going inside now.

I pressed the buzzer. It is way past visiting hours but since the nurses here were my friends, they kind of let me.

"Hey." I greeted Michelle as she opened the door. "How was he?" I asked as I got in and wore one of the gowns and changed my shoes to the slip on that are prepared for the guests.

"Still the same." She said as she waited for me to put on the hair cap. "Still with GCS 3."

I tried to suppress my tears as I nodded.

"Stay strong, Yel. Continue what you are doing. You know I am not supposed to say this as a nurse with all the knowledge of his condition, you are a nurse too I know you know too its almost impossible but I believe it will pay off. There is God. He is still here supporting you." She smiled at me as she pulled me into a comforting embrace.

I know there's still God. I know He is still with me. But sometimes, especially at times like this, I can't help but feel helpless and hopeless. The feeling that even though I tried to fight, there's still that doubt. That uncertainty for tomorrow. That fear that I might not like what the future holds. That I might get hurt. That all of this fighting, all of this bruises and wounds I got from this would be useless. I am afraid to lose everything. I am afraid to lose him.

I took a deep breath as I let go from Michelle's embrace.

"Whenever you're ready, you know the way. I still need to do something." She said as she gave my hand a sympathetic squeeze. I nodded as I took a deep breath.

"Think of happy thoughts." I said convincing myself to be happy.

I readied my smile as I approached his bed. I tried my best to make it as genuine as possible knowing he might not be able to see it but I know he would feel it. Besides, he often told me how much he loves my smile. I remember how he would always make me laugh and tell me that I should always smile and be happy.

(flashback)

"Stop it Jace!" I said almost breathless from laughing.

"Okay." He said pausing from tickling me. I love mornings like this. Waking up next to him in bed. Early cuddling, early kisses, early hugs, early laughter, all of these among all of the early stuffs with him make me feel happy.

I sat properly on bed as I recover from being breathless.

"But how about a no?" He said as he pulled me again tickling my sides.

My room was filled again by a good mix of our laughter. It seems like every corner of my room radiates positiveness  or maybe its just me.

"Seriously Jace!" I said as I tried to avoid his "attacks".

"Okay." He said laughing. "But..."

"Oh no. Please." I said as I placed my hands forward in defense.

He laughed.

"Okay, I'll stop... for now." He said winking at me.

I acted as if I am afraid in which made him laugh harder.

He lay back in the bed and pulled me against him.

I love this place. This place I am in where Jace and I can be happy without the fear of anything.

I wrapped my arms around him as I rested my head against his chest, hearing his heart beat and comforted by the rise and fall of his chest due to breathing.