You Ruined Me (Scomiche)

Ch 17. Panic.

Mitch was starting to get worried

Kirstie had looked a mixture of confused and totally p!ssed off when she left the kitchen and Scott was STILL in there.

He tried to catch Kirstie’s eye while Jeremy was telling some story he pretended to be interested in, but she was purposely avoiding his gaze.

What the hell happened in there?

When Jeremy had finished his story, Mitch excused himself and went into the kitchen.

Scott had his back to him, standing statue still with both hands on the counter in front of him, his head hung.

“Hey, you ok?” He spoke quietly, trying not to spook the other man, but his crutches made it pretty impossible to sneak up on anything.

Please be ok. Please don’t shut me out.

~

“Yeah.  I’m…” Scott trailed off.  He searched for the words. He racked his brain trying to put meaning into what he was feeling. He wanted to say “fine. I’m fine.” but he was about as far from fine as humanly possible.  He wasn’t “fine.” He wasn’t “ok.”  He wasn’t “alright” or “good” or anything else that normal people say when someone asks if they are ok. He couldn’t even bring himself to lie to Mitch. He couldn’t fake his way through this, not with him.

Why was this so hard?

He closed his eyes trying to shut it all out. He wished that he had an off switch for his mind. Too many thoughts, too many fears, too many insecurities

Too much.

He could hear Mitch’s crutches moving closer.  He felt the tears begin to slide beneath his lashes, unbidden.  He felt pathetic.

“I..I think I’m gonna skip the movies.”

~

This can’t be happening again. He was fine earlier! What the hell did she do?!

“I-  I don’t understand?” He stared at his back, knowing without seeing that Scott was on the verge of tears.

~

“Please-”  Words.  Stupid.Fu¢king.Words.   Why couldn’t he just put them together.  Why couldn't he voice the tempest inside of him? He lacked eloquence on the best of days, but he couldn't even form a fragment, let alone a full sentence.

Please..  Please don’t?  Please just let it go?  Please help.

It was too loud, too scattered, too discordant.

Too damaged.

~

Mitch steadied himself with his crutches and reached out a hand to touch his shoulder. He could feel the tension radiating from Scott before he’d even made contact.  The air felt heavy, ominous.  

Or maybe that was just the fear of losing everything they’d gained. He didn’t want to go backwards.  He wasn’t sure he could without his heart being completely rent.

~

Scott tried not to, but the inhale was sharp and audible. The recoil was obvious. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter as the hand retracted due to his response. He didn’t want to do this to Mitch.  He didn’t want to show him how broken he was.  

Everything he kept so meticulously hidden was wearing him down.

He owed it to Mitch to look him in the eye. He had to.