CAPTIVITY

46. Closer

(Ash POV)

There are small moments in my life I wish I could frame.

 Pieces of time I wish I could keep as a solid memory which could be repeated over and over again into the next phase of life. 

After my death,

Will I remember Johnny? 

Will I be reborn? Will we meet again? No.

I curse my stupid brain for getting so fucking sentimental at a time like this. I curled my legs to my chest as I sat up at the foot of the bed. Watching Jonathan sleep peacefully with Finley in his arms.

 Every time I look at him, I ask myself how did this happen.

 How did I get this lucky? I am nothing more than undeserving considering the amount of shit I've done to this poor man. 

But he doesn't care. 

He never did.

 He always puts everyone else above himself like an idiot, his heart is far too big for his own good.

I reach forward, gently pushing his soft brown locks to the side as he slept soundly. 

"Aish, Johnny. When you fall in love again, I really hope you don't let them take advantage of your kindness like I have. Make them work for it sweetheart," I softly mutter under my breath in a slow whisper.

 There is so much I want to say to him but I knew the moment I did, those large gray puppy eyes would start to tear up and then I'd have to comfort him instead of telling him the truth. 

I feel the rough skin on his forearm, Scarred from the fire that destroyed our first apartment in New York. The fire he willfully ran back into just to save me.

"And make sure he's strong. Like emotionally, A bland guy without the fucked up childhood or a sappy love story. Someone who puts you first before anyone else and can hold you when your down. Because when you get depressed, you take it to another level and that even scares me sometimes." I sigh as I caress his stubbled cheek with the greatest care.

"Don't think of me either, pretend you were never married before and I don't exist. Even if you have been married with like two different people but let's not count Linda in this equation okay," A small chuckle escapes me but I hold my breath when he lets out a deep sigh. 

"And I know you say you're only attracted to masochistic assholes, and for that you are insane, but seriously just marry a normal guy okay? I don't want you to get hurt. Only I can hurt you," I insist to the dead weight log next to me. My thumb carefully traes the length of his strong jawline. 

"You've loved once, you can love again. I hope you don't forget tha-" 

Jonathan suddenly sneezes, his eyes open for a half second before squeezing shut again.

 "Sorry, please continue," he says and I punch his shoulder so hard he gasps in pain.

 "AH! What was that for!" He coughs out. 

"Why can't you stay asleep when I'm saying this sappy shit like a normal husband!" I exclaim, hitting him again. 

"And this is why I have bruises! I told you it's all your fault!" he yells back at me but we both shut up as Fin starts to stir. 

Holding our breath as he shifts a little before snuggling back up to is the tiger and falling asleep. I breathe out a sigh of relief before hitting him once more just for the hell of it.

 He turns around so he's laying flat on his back to stare into the darkness.

 For once I'm thankful for the slight darkness in the room so he can't see how hard I'm blushing with embarrassment. 

"Mmm...Ash, there's a lot I could say about your little rant. It's nice to know that you want me to be happy with someone else and all but your not dying." He says as he reaches up and smacks a hand on my cheek before petting it. 

"It's been awhile since the last time I've seen you blush," He laughs and I shove his hand away. 

"What do you mean I'm not dying?! I'm in here for a reason," I say, slightly aggravated by his ignorance.

 "Honey, when was the last time you coughed?" He asks and I pause for a moment. Thinking back, I couldn't quite remember the last time I coughed. It might have been last week but I wasn't sure. 

"I haven't...in a while. Does that mean-" I'm cut off by the shock of feeling his lips quickly pressed against mine. 

"It means you're going to be just fine and we are going to live a long, happy life together filled with insults until the end," he says and kisses me again, with the joy that comes with his kiss I hold Jonathan closer than ever before. 

Fearing the moment I let go, the world would go to shit again and he would disappear.

"I'll be right back," 

Jonathan says as he gets up later that morning. Finley was still asleep, so he quickly moves his way around our son without waking him.

 "Where are you going? I thought we were having a moment?" I ask confused by his abrupt reaction. 

"Relax Ash, we were but I need some air. You know I hate hospitals," he says and puts on his jacket. He leans over the bed and kisses me once more but the kiss turns into several long pecks and I wrap my legs around him to trap him.

"No, I refuse to let you go," I argue through his soft kisses and he chuckles a little. 

"Mmm I'll be right back hon," he says and grabs his phone from the side table.

 "You have ten minutes," I warn, this was unlike him and I had a bad feeling about this but I let him go anyway.

"I'm just going to check on my friend Chris. He's just next door," he finally admits.

 "Oh! You have friends now? Who is this Chris? Should I be concerned?" I ask and he gently kisses me back.

 "Stop asking questions you already know the answer to," He says. But there was no relief to his explanation as he pulls away and reaches the doorway.

"Wait!" I call out and he stops, turning on the heel of his shoe.

 "I love you too," He reads my mind and continues his mission before I can even make him think twice. I lay back down with Finley, cuddling my son for the first time in three months.