CAPTIVITY

8. Pick Your Poison

(Ashley POV)

"Are you going to miss me?" 

Angel asks while sitting at the edge of my bed with his legs crisscrossed, watching me pack for France. 

"No," I huff jokingly, but he takes it as seriously and pouts, he could never read my extreme sarcasm.

 Then again no one can read me like Johnny could. At the thought of him I pause while folding a t-shirt and Angel gives me a curious glance. 

"You're mean," He whines as he leans back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

 "I'm a mean guy, mean is what I do," I mutter as I pick three ties.

 "No, you're not mean per say. Just...broken," he says with his fingers intertwined on his small chest as it rises and falls. 

"Get out Angel," I say as I zip up the bag and toss it on the floor. 

"Not gonna happen," His smile was almost mocking me and I lay down next to him exhausted. 

"So you're not going to miss me while you're here all alone with your stupid broken self while I'm in Spain?" He sighs and I watch the gentle glow of the lights cast against the ceiling, rise and fall. 

"Of course I'll miss you dumbass," I nudge him and he nudges me back.

 "Idiot," he pokes back and I turn onto my side, watching him. 

"Why the fuck did you kiss me the other day? Do you know how many rumors are going around about us now? I had to hear it from my BROTHER IN LAW," I tell him and he finally meets my angry narrowed eyes. He reaches up and gently pats my cheek.

 "Cause you tried to kill yourself and when I checked on you, you didn't respond but you were clearly alive and well. So that pissed me off mi amigo." He explains and I lay back.

 "I didn't try to commit suicide, what the hell? What gave you that idea Angel?" I ask and he sighs.

 "I saw you researching how to make a noose jackass," He says. Closing his eyes. 

"First of all, it was a project for AJ, second of all why the fuck were you looking over my shoulder?" I ask and he laughs. 

"Cause you're my best friend and I care about you? I'm sorry for not wanting to find you swinging in a closet. I'll have you know I like closets." he says with a small wink and I wanted to hit him but he was so cute, I couldn't. 

"I fucking hate you," I groan as I close my eyes.

 "I hate you too, Goodnight Ash." He yawns and turns over, grabbing a pillow. 

"You can sleep over BUT not in my bed!" I warn but as I finish the sentence I start to cough. Coughing into my elbow, I sit up but the coughing doesn't stop.

 "You okay?" Angel asks and I nod without responding as I get up and walk over to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

The blood drains down the sink and I look up to see the small streaks of blood dripping from my lips with the stains on my shirt.

 I hover over the sink, with not only blood, but tears falling into the sink as well as I grip the bathroom vanity. 

"Fuck..."

 I mutter to myself in a hoarse whisper. Tiredly facing the mirror again. He was right...I am broken. The reflection of Ash looked pale and grave, with the blood stealing all the color from his cheeks and pouring them into the sink. 

The broken Ash in the mirror was one I had to face every day. I didn't like him and he didn't like me. 

But Johnny would have liked him. 

Jonathan didn't give two shits about himself which was why I had to do what I did.

If he knew...it would kill both of us.

 The anger and guilt flow through my system. Riddling through the deepest crevices of my brain and bringing up the long chain of memories including myself and the person who meant the world to me.

 "Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!" 

The sound of the fractured glass hitting the tiled floor came next.