Cai Xukun Imagines

29. Eating Disorder

You watched from the corner of the room as your boyfriend continued to lift the weights in the home gym of your apartment. He hadn’t said a word to you in hours and you knew he was in here to let off some steam and avoid the topic of conversation.

“Are we going to talk about this, Xukun?” You asked quietly, your small frame leaning against the wall as Xukun continued what he was doing.

“Not right now.” He seethed, trying not to have his button pushed too much. You were standing in the room with him, but you felt completely alone. Wiping a stray tear before he noticed, you shifted in your stance.

“Well when then?” You pushed. When Xukun was faced with something he didn’t want to deal with, he avoided it with everything he had.

“I don’t know, okay?” You jumped slightly at his sudden loud voice, the weight from his hand dropping as he stood up to stare at you.

He hadn’t looked at you for days and with his eyes scanning your entire body from across the room, you felt uncomfortable from his stare for the first time since you met.

He noticed the drastic weight loss and said nothing. He noticed your mood swings and said nothing. You noticed how you ate, well, hardly ate and said nothing. He always said nothing.

When he finally confronted you that morning when you told him you weren’t hungry for breakfast, it slipped through his perfect lips that he had noticed the changes in you over the course of a few months before storming off to the dorm, not saying another word.

He had been becoming more distant over the past few weeks, you could feel him pulling away and that scared you more than anything. It caused you to be even more stressed out which caused your eating disorder to spike.

“Okay.” You breathed out before excusing yourself from the room, exhaustion taking over your body. You were done fighting with him on this - everything over the past few months that had been swept under the rug was slowly resurfacing and you were knew at any moment, he was going to be explode.

Laying down on the couch and bringing the blanket to your chin, you allowed the tears to escape as you felt your eyelids growing heavy. The lack of energy you had was something you were getting used to - when you don’t have food in your system, you can’t help but feel any other ways than tired or irritable.

A half hour later, you could feel Xukun’s presence in the kitchen as he began opening and closing the cupboards, making a ton of noise. A few moments later, you felt the weight of the couch shift as he sat by your feet, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a plate coming into your view.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” His voice didn’t come out as angry, but more hurt as he rested his firm hand on your bare leg.

“Why are being such an asshole about it?” You sat up on the couch, keeping your distance from him as he frowned at your follow up question.

“I am not being an asshole about it. I just don’t-” his voice cracked as he lowered his head down, his eyes disappearing behind the shade his hat was making.

“-I just don’t know how to…handle all of this, okay?” His voice was filled with emotion as he spoke, wiping the tears from his eyes as he lifted his head to look at you.

“I just want to know why, Ash. Why couldn’t you come to me and talk to me?” You had never seen him so upset in his entire life, guilt filling your entire body as you shook your head at him.

“I didn’t know…I didn’t know how to tell you. I just don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel good enough in this relationship, in my friendships, in school, work, in my entire life. Everything was just spiraling so I took charge of something I could control - my eating. I know that sounds fucking crazy-”