Promising Memoirs | soft h.s.

Chapter 71.

A/N:

^Um, wow. Also, long chapter. Enjoy!

Also please don't forget to vote and comment! It really means so much to me that you do so.

S x

Songs for the chapter:

Black Mermaid - Esthero
Believer - Imagine Dragons
Love You Goodbye - One Direction

Aubrey's POV.

Life has been crazy the past several days. Of course by 'crazy', I mean, 'damn impossible'. It's been incredibly hard to change my lifestyle without Harry in it. Since his confession, there was no contact from him. In the beginning I'd assume it was to give me some time to calm down from my hysteria; but afterwards, still nothing. I'd guess that it was either he was feeling incredibly guilty from what he'd done and didn't want to put me in more hurt by reminding me of his presence. Unfortunately, I feel worse trying to believe that he was just a 'dream', when it wasn't. I wanted some assurance that he still existed. That I knew he was doing okay, even if I wasn't. I loved him so much and that's what made the agony a million times worse. Somehow deep inside I knew that he was in pain just as I am; but again, there was apart of me that didn't want to believe that.

I'd barely been able to leave the house. There were only three reasons that I'd force myself to escape my emotional confines.

Whenever I was forced to go to a class - which I've skipped out on all my lectures with Harry. I'd messaged most of professors telling them that I was in physical pain, so I couldn't come. I wasn't lying; well technically I was, because it was all emotional. For our mutual lecture, I was thankful that he was understandable about it and just told me to follow the class sessions using the textbook. It wasn't the same, but it was still better than nothing. I also managed to message someone else and get extra notes from them.

Eric would ask me what was wrong in the handle of studios I went to and I'd lie saying that everything was fine. I'm sure he knew that I was broken up inside, because of two reasons: I was physically miserable and looked like a mess with my lack of trying in appearing like a normal person - that was minus my major dark circles; and the fact that it was clear my left hand was ringless. Again, I was thankful he never noticed. It came as a shocker to me though.

Reason two was going to work for an emergency or meeting that I couldn't do from the confines of my laptop. Liam and Isabelle would make sure Harry wasn't around during those scheduled times. It always made my anxiousness on a low level. The only problem with being physically there without Harry's wonderful presence, was the painful reminder of what happened on the horrible day that ruined my life - and my heart.

The final reason would be whenever either Natalie or Liam were home. I was so thankful for them being there for me and letting me stay with them, but I tried to escape from their constant repetitive questions. Of course those basically consisted of "Are you sure you're okay?"; "Why don't you want to eat with us?"; "Do you need anything else?"; and "Why don't you come with us? You need to go out and get some fresh air."

My only personal reason would be whenever I had a panic attack. Fresh air was what I needed to calm me down. Before, a hug from Harry would be more than enough for me. It was knowing someone loved me, and that he'd protect me from whatever was going on; but of course, that was all a lie.

I jumped out of bed, took a shower, and decided to go to a place to release some pent up energy. A place that no one would really know where I was. I just prayed that the one person I was trying to avoid, wouldn't be there. I double checked the date and time, so I was safe from my suspicions - he'd be in class.