Promising Memoirs | soft h.s.

Chapter 48.

Songs for the chapter (Yep, two this time):

Every Breath You Take - The Police
Infinity - One Direction

Aubrey's POV*

It'd been a week and a half since Harry started his classes. Most days he'd be home in the afternoon, as he preferred the morning classes - he was luck with his schedule. There was only one in the evening, ending at around eight. It was slightly bothersome since he'd be home later - which also depended on traffic. It wasn't entirely the worst thing though, but my gut feelings said that it won't be any earlier moving throughout the term. More projects, papers, and meetings; not too exciting for my end.

My work days have been minimal, there wasn't too much to do; but I went anyway, even when I didn't really need to. I had to do something to pass by the time, rather than sitting alone in the flat all day. I'd seen Natalie a couples times, El once, and I was yet to see Gemma. It'd been quite a while since her and I properly sat down and had a chat. I didn't want to go into any details with what Harry and I had been through - more or less, still going through.

I never thought that it would be this hard to try and trust someone again. Trusting Harry before was always easy, but once that wall breaks, it's hard to build it back up again. I guess you could say that a relationship is like concrete, once the foundation has had any type of crack, it'll permanently stay there; or a wound, but then remains as a scar.

I mean, of course I was still upset with him. The anger had disappeared from my system. It was just the fact of my heart, was it still feeling that pain? Yes. I wanted to rid of it as soon as I could, but didn't even know how to do that. No one could really tell me and I didn't want to ask.

Liam and Isabelle have kept me company throughout my work hours, when I didn't really have anything to do. When Liam was free, I'd chat with him about basically anything. He never directly mentioned anything to me, but I knew myself, that I was slightly clingy or annoying. I think he just kept up with 'talking' with me, because he knew that Harry was at university. Then when he was busy, I'd go to Isabelle, which of course, if she wasn't chatting up a storm with Sebastian. Somehow I felt like my entire life suddenly became a third wheel. Of course I was dating Harry, but somehow, loneliness took over.

The past few days were mainly of me attempting to adjust to the fact Harry started his final year of uni. I told him that I was okay with everything and that I've gotten used to it; however, as I know that he knows me too well, I'm sure he knew that I was lying. There wasn't really anything Harry or myself could do anything about it though. The only main way to adjust, was simply, time. It was the only way that would get me through this. I needed to get past my selfish thoughts and live my life as normal as possible. I permanently signed myself up for moving to London, being with Harry, and just living here. This is it Aubrey, this is it.

Things have been pretty stable with Harry and I generally at home; it's all just been entirely complicated - I know that, and I know that definitely does too. He's tried so many times to show me that he's entirely trustworthy again; but I still can't find it in me to accept his attempts. Maybe now that he's away more often, we'll have a bit more of a gap between us, it'll show the true colours of how we can handle being together. We have a solid relationship, to what I thought a few weeks ago was unbreakable and completely perfect; I guess that's not the case anymore. I'm not really complaining, no bond between a couple can be perfect - that only exists in fairytales. Maybe now is the time where it's where our connection proves if it's strong enough to last, like titanium, or like copper, which'll just rust away pretty quickly.

There wasn't too much talk about what had happened with Eleanor and Louis. We both silently agreed that it would be something to not mention again. I was majorly upset with them and I could have run and hid for the longest time, but I didn't. It was just going to be something else to add to my emotional plate, I didn't want that. I really didn't.