Purpose || Bang Chan

7

"YOU NEED HELP!"

"I said it before, i'm gonna say it again. I AM PERFECTLY FINE."

My manager and I were in argument after my stylists found out about my cuts when they forced me to wear something that shows skin in that area. I didnt notice my cuts were peeking out. So when it did, they saw it and freaked out. They told Hyun-oppa so here I am now.

"You're depressed! You harm yourself! What's next? We'll find you hanging yourself?!" He slammed his fist on his table. We were alone in the managers' office. I was sitting on the sofa, chilling.

"I'm not that desperate to be happy yet, I won't kill myself." I answered, but it seemed it only made him even more angry.

"Heeyoung i'm not saying these things as your manager anymore! I'm trying to help you as a friend!!" He kneeled in front of me, taking my hand. I scoffed inside. If Chan was the one doing this, I would've gave in.

"Hyun, please, its the only thing that keeps me running! I'll be careful not to hit a risky spot but please, don't tell anyone.... and don't make me go to a therapist." I begged, almost crying.

"No, Heeyoung, no no no..." He walked out, slamming the door behind him. He'll tell our CEO! I couldn't let anyone find out.

I rushed after him but he was now nowhere in sight. I roamed around, searching for him but to no avail... If JYP finds out about thus, he'll make me take a break, get some therapy... It'll take a lot of time! There's no way...

Then when i walked by the cafeteria, I saw my manager, talking to my two best friend.... Soomin and Chan. I walked towards them and caught their attention. My manager, avoided looking at me, he just stared down at the coffee on the table. Chan and Soomin on the other hand, they looked at me with.... with... with worry and pity.......

I sighed. I glared at Hyun-oppa.

I unconsciously let a tear slip out. I wiped it and shook my head, walking away... I heard Soomin call me by my nickname but I ignored it.

I went home to my apartment complex, but even before I typed in the passcode, I went to the elevator and went to the rooftop.

I sat on the floor, leaning on the wall. It was dark in the night, thank god, the moon was present and full, ready to guide someone home at this time of night. I looked up and smiled. "Grandma, I hope you are having fun up there..." i laughed by myself. Am I finally going nuts?

"I miss you.... Why did you leave me so early?... I wish i could join you up there... But I like it here too. My fans make everything better." I smiled, hugging my knees tighter.

"Maybe Hyun is right... maybe I need help.... maybe I need to change myself...." I looked up to the night sky. "I hope you're looking after me, Grandma... I need someone I can confide with.. I need someone so badly..... "

I sobbed, cried quietly by myself in the rooftop.

~~~~~~~~~~

No one else find out about my cuts. My manager, my two stylists and my two friends kept it a secret. They told me they'll forget about it which I was thankful for. But lately, I noticed how they act around me. Its like they filtered their words before they talked to me. My manager avoided getting mad and frustrated at me. He would make sure he didn't' do anything that would make me uncomfortable. My stylists would choose clothes that hide skin in my torso. The made sure it didn't irritate the cuts I had already. My two bestfriends, they'd hang out with me when we all have free time, they'd message me all the time although i never respond now. I know they're doing this because they already know about my depression...