Purpose || Bang Chan

15

Shin Heeyoung

"Welcome back! How's your first ever family vacation?"

"Hyun-oppa, it was fine.... I guess."

He shrugged. "Well I hope you had a well deserved rest, you'll be filming some shows, will be attending awardings and will be planning some collabs with some idols." He walked beside me, stating our plans for the whole month.

"Yeah, alright." I nodded, I knew by the smile he was giving me that he's very happy i'm getting better. My depression wasn't that bad as it used to. "What should we do first?"

"Well for starters, let's get you active in social media again. Your fans are looking for you." He said. I took note of it, i'll post a picture in Twitter later. "Then, you'll have a fanmeet next week."

So he told me our plans. After that, I went off to one of the break rooms and I made myself a cup of coffee. I took my phone out and then logged in to my Twitter account. I took a picture and posted it with the captions 'Glad to be back :)'

That should do it for now.

I was resting on the sofa when the door slammed open and 9 boys came streaming in. "Noona!" They cheered.

I smiled at them, it wasn't the best smile, but i know this smile is a smile that tells them i'm becoming me again. "Hey guyss."

Minho and Jisung sat on both of my sides. "Noona, Chan-hyung told me you were in a vacation! How was it?" The cute squirrel asked. I couldn't help but smile at the innocent faces of these boys. They sat around me, wanting to listen.

"It was... awkward." The unexpected answer caught them off guard and made their smiles drop. "I had a family vacation... for the first time in my entire life.."

Ever since I was a kid, my classmates would talk about how they had fun with their families. Some would have vacation in foreign countries and some would go back to their provinces and spend quality time with extended family members. They always boast how their families spend christmas in their home town and their relatives would give them expensive gifts in christmas.

I never related to them because ever since I was 3, I spent my whole life with my grandmother. I would help her with her garden during vacations. During christmas, my grandmother and I would go pay our respect to my late grandfather and then cook food at home. My parents would send expensive shoes, or bags but sometimes it would be money... those may be expensive but my favourite gift of all is the stuff my grandmother knits. Sometimes she'd knit coin purses, sling bags, mittens and other more. She'd work on those for months and months only so she could give it to me on christmas.

"I met my step and half siblings for the first time too." I smiled, recalling the harsh truth that my siblings, who are supposed to guide me and play with me, reject me. "But they don't like me I guess."

The room got quiet and so their meme leader decided to break the silence and clapped his hands to get our attention. "Okay, guys, raise your hands if you want to go to lotte world again!"

In a blink of an eye, everyone had their hand in the air. "And you, Heeyoung? Would you like to join us?" Chris walked to me and gave me his hand. "It's going to be fun." He winked and it made my heart melt.

"Alright... i'll come." I smiled as I took his hand. He pulled me up and along with him.

"Lets go guys, the van is already waiting." He smirked. The boys looked baffled though, it was as if they didn't know about this and they didnt. Just like me, they were all surprised by their leader too.

"Wah, hyung! Daebak!" Minho grinned. "How did you manage to let our manager allow us?"

"A secret." He smirked.

We got into the van and he pulled me with him at the back. I sat beside the window and he sat on my other side. Woojin stayed in the passenger seat. Jisung, Minho and Jeongin sat in the middle, then Felix, Seungmin and Hyunjin at the row behind them, then its me, Chris and Changbin in the back most part.

Our driver asked if everyone was in and when we said yes, he told us to fasten our seatbelts and then finally drove us.

The boys in front were singing to Little Einstein and it was the cutest thing ever. Jisung and the Maknae were staring out the window and playing I spy. The boy beside me however, probably stayed up until 4 am again. He's currently leaning on my shoulder, asleep.

He was snoring quietly but I didn't mind. I'm sure he needs his sleep. "Boys, quiet down." I called out. The chattering fell into silence when they saw their leader dozing off.

The can parked just outside the Amusement park. "We're here." The driver said.

The boys put on their masks or caps and exited, leaving me inside with their leader. The boys invited the driver with them so he went with the boys. I told them Chris and I will catch up when he wakes up.

I hummed in silence, brushing Chris's soft hair with my fingers. My soft hums, turning into lyrics, I sang with my soft voice, as not to wake the boy.

"Little do you know
How I’m breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I’m still haunted by the memory." Yes, everytime  think about what happened in my life, it feels as though i'm watching a heart clenching movie.... everything that happened to me feels like a dream, a nightmare.... but its real.... I lived through it...

"Little do you know
I’m trying to pick myself from piece by piece." Just when I thought i'm finally fine without you, you barged in my life again. I just hope you clear things up this time because i'm tired of chasing you, who doesn't even see my worth...

"Little do you know
I need a little more time
Underneath it all I’m held captive by the hole inside.
I’ve been holding back
For the fear that you might change your mind..." I felt tears well up in my eyes. No matter how much I smile infront of everyone, the fact that i'm vroken and depressed won't change....

"I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight
Little do you know
I need a little more time." I blinked.... A tear fell... but then I felt a warm hand cup my cheek.

The boy, sleeping beside me, looked me in the eyes. His own eyes, filled with regret and pity.... "I love you like you've never felt the pain....." he whispered, still looking at me in the eye.

"I promise you don't have to be afraid...." he whispered again, he used his thumb to wipe off the tear that made its way out my eye.

"The live is here and here to stay...." he leaned in, our foreheads touching. I shut my eyes, in fear that my tears would just flow out uncontrolled. "So lay... your head on me...."

He leaned in for a kiss.