Purpose || Bang Chan

12

Bang Chan

"Soomin, i've had enough of this.." i said to the phone.

Last night, I couldn't sleep, although Heeyoung's guest room was very comfortable, I didn't get a wink of sleep. I was thinking about everything I have done. I thought about my future with Stray Kids. I thought about my toxic relationship with Soomin. I thought about my broken friendship with Heeyoung.

I still remember the day she confessed to me.

*flashback*

It was winter, we just finished our training for the day. It was around 3 in the morning and we were heading out to some early breakfast.

It was just us two because Soomin had to go back to her grandmother's place for an early family reunion for christmas.

My family was back in Sydney so I couldn't celebrate Christmas with them. Heeyoung? I'm not sure about her family. All I know is her grandmother. She's not the type to talk about herself, she's more of the type who likes to listen about others talking.

"Hell, its freezing." She whispered, pulling her hood lower and her scarf higher, just enough to cover her lips. It was a cute sight, every time she breathed out, a puff of white could be seen. It was too cold that our breath would be visible in the morning air.

We walked towards a 24-hour convenience store and decided on coffee and ramyun, not very healthy but it kept us up the whole day.

We were eating silently until she decided to break it. That was the first time she initiated a conversation first, before Soomin or I.

"Chris..."

"Hmmm?" I raised a brow and glanced at her, beside me. She stopped eating and placed her chopsticks down. She faced me and we stared at each other eye to eye. "What is it? Spill."

She fiddled with her fingers, took a deep breath and what she said next shook me to the core. "I like you, more than a friend, romantically..." she had a look of determination running through her eyes and her cheeks were flaming.

She's a nice girl, she's the girl a guy would be proud of to introduce to his parents. She's dashing, she's smart, she's kind and she doesn't boast about herself. She doesn't wear any makeup aside from lip balm and tint. Hell, even Bambam had a little crush on her. But he said its just a simple middle school crush, nothing more. Boys from our company would stop and stare at her, just like in that song. But for some reason, I felt indifferent with her.

She didn't make my heart thump like I ran a marathon. She didn't make me stop and gawk at her.... she didn't feel like she's the one I was looking for. So that morning, I gave her my sincere answer.
"... Heeyoung, I'm sorry, I know you like me since day one but I... I don't know.... I'm in love with someone else." I said, because our other friend, Soomin, I was in love with her already.

Heeyoung and I were still lookung at each other eye to eye. The determination she had in her eyes, just barely 2 minutes ago now vanished and in its place are sadness and heart break. Her eyes were glossy, she's close to tears.

"Don't cry..." i said. She didn't. She blinked them back and gave me a heart wrenching smile.

"Don't worry, I expected this. After all, I know your feelings for Soomin." She chuckled, though it sounded forced.

"How do you know?!" My eyes widened.

She laughed "You look at her the way i look at you." Was what she said before she went quiet again and continued eating her food. "You look at her with love."

*flashback end*

All these years... she's still hung up on me....

I feel like the lowest trash ever.

The words i told her last night 'Because just like you, I love her too much to...' i'm an idiot... now i feel my words slap me in the face.

I've been too blinded by my feelings for Soomin just like how Heeyoung is blinded by her love for me all these years.

I've been seeing dating rumors of her and Jungkook in the internet but didn't think too much of it because in my head, I thought she deserved to be with someone better than me who gave her nothing but friendship all these years.

Plus.... the way Jungkook looks at her is the same way Heeyoung looks at me.

"Fine then, Chan. Break up with me then. I have no problem with it but i know, you can't live without me." Soomin said on the other side of the phone. Her breaths were short and I could hear her voice wavering.

"That's what you think. Let's break up. I'll tell JYP the good news later." I said before hanging up on her.

This will be for the best... hopefully, I can revover what was lost between me and Heeyoung. I may not be able to return her feelings for me but I know we could still recover the friendship we lost.

I'll ask for her forgiveness for neglecting her. As much as I have denied her in my life, she is a good friend, she is my bestfriend and i'd hate for our cold war to stay. It's better if we resolve our problems faster.

~~~~~~~~~

Lee Minho

Earlier today, I went to get my hair trimmed in our company's trusted hair salon and such a big coincidence, I saw Heeyoung-noona on a chair, her hair was wrapped in a foil, probably getting her hair dyed or something.
"Noona!" I called out.

She looked up from her phone and saw me. She gave me a smile. "Minho, what are you here for?"

"Getting my hair trimmed. My fringe is becoming very long, its irritating my eyes. How about you noona?" I asked sitting on a chair beside her.

"A surprise for everyone." She winked and shushed me.

I told the stylist to trim my hair and she did. We finished early but I decided to keep noona some company. "Noona, what's up with you and Jungkook-sunbaenim?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Working with him and the rest of BTS in my MV." Was what she said. She was on her phone texting who knows who.."you worked with them before right?"

I nod. "I was a backup dancer for Jungkook-sunbaenim's Begin." I ssmirked he's a nice guy actually. They're all down to earth despite becoming very famous.

"Mmhmmm."

"Who are you texting?" I asked

She smiled. "Ju- just a friend."

She thought she hid it well, but i'm pretty sure its not just a friend. Her cheeks were slightly dusted by pink and she was smiling cutely while typing.

I have a.schedule with the boys later so I bid her goodbye and went on my way, pondering on why she looked so happy. I didn't bother who it was. I'm just thankful someone in this crappy world can make her smile like that for once.