Purpose || Bang Chan

14

Shin Heeyoung

It was a huge success, an all kill!

The album sold out the first 48 hours here in South Korea. My album hit number 1 in the charts and it was number one in trending in youtube.

I'm sure this is because of ARMYs. I've watched BTS' BBMA in 2017, and hell, no one cann mess with them or their fans or else, you get a disstrack for yourself.

By the way, the Vlive I had with BTS earned a lot of attention. I read the comments and the fans were already spreading the word around.

'HOLEU SHEUT!.JUNGKOOK WANTED TO BE CALLED OPPA?!'

'Jungkookie isn't a baby anymore, he's not shy with ladies now.'

I chuckled to myself. Theor comments, to me are funny because if I had to be honest, Jungkook and I?! I don't think so.

Chris has been visiting and sleeping over here in my apartment more often. He would tell me about his day and all that. It's great i think the down days are finally over.. things are getting better. I mean, I haven't cut myself in almost a whole month now. I was too busy for the promotions. But now i think its because things are going right for me now.

...

Well that was what I thought.

My parents, along with their own family came to visit me one day. I just got a ring from the doorbell, and when I opened it, my father was there, with his wife and my two half little sisters. They were both a year or two younger than me, twins.
They managed to fit in my queen sized bed plus a pull out bed in the guest room.

Let's just say, his wife and my sisters hate me. They don't talk to me when my father is present. They'd verbally attack me when my father isn't' anywhere near hearing range.

A few days after my father and his family came, my mother, her husband, my two brothers and my other sister.

They decided to stay at the hotel but for some reason, my parents planned to visit me here with their families. They think its a great idea. They planned a getaway in the beach, family time and just bonding with each other.

My siblings weren't talking to me nor to each other. My parents and their spouse were the only ones talking to me but even then, you could feel the awkwardness when they speak to me.

We went to the beach and my parents rented out a whole beach house enough for all of us. We were gonna play volleyball and my mom and dad's family were gonna be different teams, only, I didn't know where to place my sorry ass in.

"I'm just gonna go back to the house, you guys enjoy yourself." I said. I mean this is all very strange for me. This is the firsy time i'm seeing my mom and dad together with their families....

I never met them, this is the first time. Plus, i only know my parents from the pictures I saw, i never even talked to them when I was little.... its like I'm a stranger here.

"None sense, Heeyoung. Join us." My father pulled me to their side and I saw the twins plus their mom give me a glare. Geez, I know you don't want me here, trust me if i were you, i'd wish I wasn't here as well. I'm way ahead of you all. "With you in our team, it's an even fight now, right?"

I stood awkwardly.... "Alright."

We played volleyball, let me tell you, our team's teamwork wasn't working out. My half sisters would glare at me every time I miss the ball. "Heeyoyng-ssi, be more attentive or we're gonna lose!" She cried out.

Well i'm sorry I can't play.

When night came, they decided to roam the place with their families leaving me alone in the beach house because i didn't want to join them awkward in the table.
So they gave me enough money, I chose to go out on my own.

I bought alcohol in the nearest store and then went to sit in the sand, watching the waves hit the sand and then flow to my toes. I removed the cap and drank.

I fished out my phone and took a picture of my beer bottle with the setting sun behind it as its background.

I posted it on social media with the captions 'You were my first priority, but I was only your second option.'
Just like what i had expected, there were hundreds and thousands of people liking it and retweeting it.

I was about to put my phone back in my pocket but it rang. 'Chris Calling'

I touched the green button and positioned my phone just beside my ear.
"Hii." I greeted, a bit shy.

"So, I heard from your manager you are out in a vacation. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. I can almost visualize him and his cute pout.

I told my manager before hand that if anyone asked where I was, he should tell them I wanted some alone time and I went on a vacation by myself. "I needed time for myself."

"Mmm... I understand, but next time, take me with you." He said. "Just tell me if you have some problems. I wouldn't leave you alone again.."

I smiled but in my mind, i'm already thinking... I don't have to be worried wether i'm gonna be left alone when in the first place, there's no one in my life who's able to leave me alone right now because..... Didn't they all leave me already?

Some people may have entered.my life, some may have come back to patch up the damage they caused.... but to me, they came back, but there's a solid gate that prevents them from coming nearer. "Yes, we should go somewhere next time."

"That's a promise then, love you." My eyes widened at his final words. He always told me he loves me even back then but when he got into a relationship, he stopped telling me that. Now, it just felt like empty words to me.

"...." i ended the call.

I drank the beer by then, I was feeling a bit tipsy.

It came crashing down on me how dysfunctional my whole life is. If God is playing a joke on me, then he's doing a great job at it. He should be a comedian.

I'm rich, I have fame.... I have my career... I'm friends with kpop idols, i'm sure people would want to live my life for me. But you know what? If they wanted to switch places with me, I wouldn't even put up a fight. I'd just wish them luck. They'll miss their families. Because.i sure as hell don't have any family near me.

I felt someone sit beside me on the sand. I looked at the person and saw that its my father. He had more beer bottles, opened two and gave me one.

He smiled at me and his first question surprised me. "Have you met the perfect boy?"

I smiled bitterly and nodded my head. "But we weren't meant to be."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to make sure he didn't make.my daughter cry." He looked in the distance. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to dance with you in your 18th birthday, I wasn't able to attend your school graduations."

My bitter smile disappeared, my face was just void of any emotions. It was what I was feeling deep inside.

They missed my whole life... I missed my own life.

"It doesn't matter.... i'm not even angry at anyone." Its true, I'm not angry at him and my mom. I just feel like I need to be upset because of my situation. I think its my way of coping up with my messed up situation because if I didn't i'm going to go crazy... I might've killed myself. "It doesn't matter at all..."

We drank in silence before he excused himself first and went back to the beach house.

"Yeah... I never mattered to them at all...."