Purpose || Bang Chan

20

Shin Hee-young

"What do you need to talk about with me? Tell it to me now.."

I looked anywhere else, avoiding his eyes... Just before I got here, I was thinking of telling him about my real feelings, I still want him after all.... and about the fake relationship Jungkook and I were having... but I thought of the consequence on the second one.

But my real feelings? Nothings wrong when I express it right?

I finally gathered enough courage to get up and pull him up. "Wear some jacket. Its cold out." I said.

He looked confused hut he wore a thick hoodie anyway. "Where are we going?" He asked.

I tugged him along. The boys were already in the dining table, probably waiting for us. But I smiled at them. "You guys, feel free to eat!" I told them. They cheered but they looked at Chris and I in wonder. Where were we going?

Chris put on his shoe and I did too, tying it twice so it wont come undone. "Let's go!" I smiled at him.

We got in my car, me in the driver's side of course. "So are you gonna tell me where we are heading?" He asked.

"Just somewhere." Was what I answered. But I was driving to that place we used to hang out at. Not a lot of people know that place but it was gorgeous. There was a small lake and the water was very clear. There was a fountain but it didn't work, it was filled with clear water though and some koi fishes. The pavilion in the center of the lake wasn't even finished yet but the person making this didn't seem like they have any plans on finishing the small pavilion. The pavilion and fountain was untouched and old that moss covered parts of the two. Good thing the wooden bridge to the pavilion was still fine. The lake was located a few train rides from Seoul with trees covering and hiding it. The residents of the small village said that a rich family owned the old abandoned mansion just near here and they own this land. But when the grandparents died, the family moved to the US, leaving the place untouched for a long time.

Chris looked around the place, smiling. "When was the last time we came here to let loose?" He asked.

"Before you and I debuted. Before all the dramas." I answered.

We walked around and somehow, we ended up in the pavilion. There were vines crawling up the pavilion but it only made the place look more magical. We stood there, sitting on the stone bench. We remained in silence but we knew we both have to clear all our mistakes and misunderstandings.

"Chris, I..."

"Look, Heeyoung...."

We both said at the same time. "Alright you go first." I said, giving him a stern look so he wouldn't make me go first.

He sighed, and looked at the lake. The sun passing through the broken roof of the pavilion shone in his face and he looked even more handsome. "Heeyoung, I reflected on everything for a long time now..... I like you.... I've been in love with you ever since we were trainees.... but..." he heaved a deep sigh.

I only watched him.

"But you always treated my like your bestfriend, like a brother.... I always thought you belong in a different league not same as mine... JYP and the others always praised you that I never built the courage and confidence to tell you I like you......" he said.

"At that time, Areum was having problems..... she wanted to kill herself and I felt like I needed to watch her.... and I mistook that for love. She said she needed me and I was so desperate to feel that that I asked her to date me....." he wasn't crying but he looked guilty and sincere... "I found what i was looking for in her because I thought I couldn't have you."

Why was I the one becoming teary eyed... "I loved you since a long time ago.... and I still do." I said, looking at the ground.

He spent his time comforting Areum  because of her depression. He was there for her....

At the same time, when they fought and he felt depressed and all because of his debut being moved again and again, I was there comforting him, giving him all my heart and offering him my love but he never saw it because he became too focused on her.....

If only I was her....

I felt arms wrap around me. "Don't cry." He gave me a sad smile. "It was me who was so blind all along."

I buried my face on his chest. "Yes. You were so blind it made me angry.... Angry at you for not seeing my feelings sooner..... Angry at you that you always took her side when you knew me better than her..... Angry at you for making me love you!" I cried.

But I felt lighter... because for the first time, I'm blaming someone rather than myself again and again like how I always did.... It destroyed me....

And I knew, just Chris holding me is healing me as well.

He lift my head up and made me look at his face. He was smiling and looking at me the way I always looked at him. "I love you Heeyoung.... You may be dating Jungkook but that won't stop me from winning you back." He said.

I teared up even more. The fact that Jungkook and I weren't even dating in the first place. I just couldn't spill that secret to anyone right now... But someday, I will.

I chuckled and tipped toed, bringing my lips closer to his... I stopped just a hair width away and waited for his reaction...

He closed the gap and we shared the first kiss the two of us would never want to forget.