Why Don't We date already? | oneshots

in my blood

song used: in my blood by shawn mendes

warning: mention of verbal abuse and possible physical abuse. skip if these things trigger you.

*****

I felt the vunerability crawling in my chest.

    I lay on my bed, the plain white walls surrounding me. I let the music feel me, enter me, become me.

Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly

    I don't know. I never knew.

Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?

    His lips on mine as I cried. His hands on my waist, mine around his neck. He let me in. Even if I knew that I would have to pull away.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me

*****

    "G, you know that I'm here for you, right? I always will be."

    Daniel's eyes searched mine as I hiccuped myself into silence. I didn't even know why the kiss, the love in his eyes, hurt me.

    "I'm so sorry, Dani," I whispered. I pulled away from him.

*****

I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

    It's been going on for a year, almost. I would come home to my parents screaming and escape to Daniel's. He would find me and hold me as their screams echoed in my ears. They didn't give a shit.

I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh

    Dean Herron, a boy I had met at a party. We had a relationship under the covers, never showing it. He would joke around with his friends at school, but would always slyly send a wink, a small wave my way. It was everything I wanted and needed.

    I saw him making out with Jack Avery shoved up against the lockers, his hands on his ass.

Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

    I ran straight home. I could hear Daniel behind me.

*****

    "G, what's wrong?" Daniel asked, his hands on my shoulders as tears streamed down my cheeks, the cold Portland wind chilling the exposed part of my back and my legs. I pulled my arms tighter around my shirt, trying to keep warm as my legs rubbed together, the butt shorts I had on not the best for the cold.

    I never told Daniel, ever. He would rant on about how he wasn't good for me.

    I didn't need that, though. I already knew.

    "Ginny. Tell me what just happened."

    "D, you're just going to flip out and tell me shit that I already know. It's already bad at home, I don't need more here."

    "G, just tell me. I promise that I won't get mad."

    "You say that every single time."

    "I promise."

    I took in his deep blue eyes. He stared unwaveringly into my boring brown ones.

    "Dean was my boyfriend for six months."

    He took a deep breath. I could see the anger lining his mind.

    "What happened?"

    "He's gay. He cheated on me with Jack."

    "Well, shit, Ginny," Daniel muttered. My eyes widened. In nearly ten years, I have never heard him curse. "Why did you ever get with him in the first place? You know his rep--"

    "DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!" I screamed, almost losing it. "I SURE AS HELL KNOW THAT HE WAS USING ME. DID IT EVER CROSS YOUR MIND THAT MAYBE THAT WAS WHAT I NEEDED? SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT TO KICK ME OUT OF THEIR HOUSE FOR BEING A APOLOGY LETTER FROM THE FUCKING CONDOM FACTORY. MAYBE I NEEDED IT, DANIEL JAMES SEAVEY. MAYBE I NEEDED TO BE TREATED LIKE A SLUT SO THAT I KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM!"

*****

It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out

*****

    "You're not."

    I almost didn't hear him. My sobbing continued. The hole in my chest had widened. "What?"

    "You're not anything you say you are," Daniel whispered, his fingers, thin from cello playing and whatever else he plays, lifting my chin up. He looked me in the eyes as his hands slowly dropped down to my waist. "You're perfect."

    "Dani...." I breathed out. I wanted to tell him how wrong he was.

    His lips touched mine.

*****

I need somebody now
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

*****

    I ran home and locked myself in my room. I shut the blinds, hoping that Daniel would take it as a sign to leave me alone. I flopped onto my bed.

    I'm so sorry, Daniel.

I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood