Meredith And Nathan: fight for your L(ife)ove

So cold it feels like winter

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That's bullshit. You are never ready for what's about to come. You never really know what you could face until you do. Not knowing is the worst part, because you can't gather a team, you can't make a plan, you can't prepare to face the enemy. The enemy comes to you unexpectedly. So, you don't know how you'll react to your worst-case scenario. As I said, bullshit.
-I don't know what's the point of getting up anymore. I honestly feel like I don't care anymore. How much worse can it get Amelia? How many more tragedies will I have to go through before I die? I am done. I am so done with this messed up life. So done.
-Mer, you are not done. You have three kids, two sisters and a man who loves you. Think about that people. And what about the people in the hospital? Everyone loves you Mer. You are so not done.
-I feel empty, really empty. Oh wait, because I am.
-Mer, please stop. You are only making your pain worse by saying these things. Calm down.
-I don't wanna calm down!- I said shouting to the top of my lungs.- Amelia what the fuck?! To calm down? You are kidding me, aren't you! Please, shut up and get out of my room!!
-Mer...
-Go away, before it's too late and I hurt your feelings.
How much emptier can someone get? The question is: do you have anything that connects you to this world? Is there a little something at least? The answer was, I didn't know. I mean I had Zola, Bailey, Ellis, Nathan, Amelia, Maggie... but at this point life has taken more from me than it's given me. I remember I once told my friend, Cristina, that this place had taken from me as much as it had given me, and that life had constantly its lows. But let's be honest, can you go any lower from the ground? You can't. Unless you make a hole and have the earth swallow you. Right? Well, this was exactly that feeling. I needed the earth to swallow me right now.
-Mer, I'm going to the market. Do you need anything?
-Yes. I need my baby back. But I'm sure you can't get that at the market, can you?
-If you want a baby so much, we'll try again.
-I don't need "another", I want mine. And it's gone, forever. Gone like Lexie, gone like Derek, gone like my mother, gone like everybody else I loved. So what's next? You? Nathan I swear to god that's the end for me. I can't overcome another loss. I am dying from the inside out. And I am screaming for help, but nobody can save me. Every place I go to, it feels so cold, like it's winter. But god dammit, It's almost June. I can't do this anymore.
-You won't lose me, you won't lose anybody else. Can you try to be happy for like five minutes? Please?- he said almost in a begging tone.- because I'm dying too. Do you know how much pain I have? I need you, you are not the only one who needs something. I can't stand being distanced from you, I don't want you to distance from me because of fetus' death. I need you now, don't leave me on my own.
I tried to say something, anything, but strangely no words came out of my mouth. I just hugged him, and we cried together. So this is what grieve looks like... How depressing, but I don't really care how it looks like.