Meredith And Nathan: fight for your L(ife)ove

I must have lost it on the wind

-I don't wanna wake up, leave me alone.
-Meredith, you fell asleep here on the toilet's floor.
I was sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
-What happened to me?
-That's exactly what I need to know. Let me see your face... oh god Mer your mascara wore off. Have you been crying?
-What? No. I was really tired and I decided to sleep.
-On the bathroom floor?
-Don't judge me Amelia.
-Ok, you clearly aren't okay. First you down three bottles of tequila, then you wake me up at two a.m and we end up sleeping in our front yard, and after that I find you asleep in the toilet with evidence that you've been crying. What's next? Take a scalpel in the middle of a surgery and slice your finger?
-You said pain would go away, but it hasn't yet. Did you lie?
-Meredith, we already talked about this. Do I need to say it again?
-No, but I can't help it. I'm not happy. I mean, I am but I am always sad and I don't know what to do. I can't be depressed, I have three kids.
-I know what it is: you are afraid something bad happens to him.
-I'm not
-You are. Because you care about him. But he's not going anywhere, he won't get hit by a truck. Have you tried therapy?
- Again? No, that's not gonna happen.
-But why not??
-I don't know, maybe you're right. I'll go talk to Dr. Carr right now.
————-
-Dr Carr, I have been really sad lately. And I don't know why. Look, I need your help, I cannot let myself be depressed. I have three kids to take care of.
-Ok I see we have made some progress. You came here to talk about your feelings. The old Meredith wouldn't have done that.
-What do you mean "the old Meredith"? I'm the same person.
-But you aren't, are you? We are never the same. Trauma always leaves a scar, no matter how much you wanna hide it, you can't run from it, but what you can do is face it.
-How?
-How long has it been since you last "talked" to Derek? You know, in the chapel or wherever.
-Oof I don't remember.
-Exactly. Go talk to him, tell him about this new Nathan, about how you feel.
-Why would that help?
-Because you are trying to find peace, Meredith. You need to let him know that you won't forget him. But do you think he doesn't know? He knows, but tell him. Maybe you'll feel better.
-Ok so now you are a priest?
-Just follow my advice and let me know how it went.
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Later that afternoon in the chapel:
-Ok so... umm hi Derek. Dr. Carr might be right. I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you. I need you to know I'll never forget you. I think I love Nathan, but I need to let you know you'll never be forgotten.
In that very moment, I felt so relieved everything seemed to have sorted itself out.
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It was near eight p.m, and I was still at the hospital. I was called for an incoming trauma, but nobody knew what had happened. Just as I opened the patient's records on my tablet I could read his name there: Nathan Riggs.