paper cranes | ✔️

xxxi.

usually,

people don't realize their own feelings

maybe because of fear

or apprehension

or anticipation

and i waited for so long

and now that i know

i wish i never did.

✕  

Another school year ended. This meant vacations and family visits and no contact for three and a half months. That's at least what Mae expected when she decided she would skip the last week of school for an early summer vacation. She thought she would be sitting on her couch, while watching anime, and eating Mexican food. Or reading a book and eating pizza. Or just sleeping. 

Instead of being lazy at home, she found herself standing in front of a ramen shop. Then again, she was only there because Jasper had urgently texted her about it. Already sweating due to the hot weather, she let out a sigh and decided that she would wait inside. That wasn't necessary though, because as soon as she turned around, she heard someone yell her name. She quickly turned, to see none another than Jasper himself. 

"Hey Mae! Sorry I was so late, I needed to drop Jasmyn off and we only had one car today."

"Nah, you're fine. Don't worry about it. I only got here 5 minutes ago."

"Oh, that's good. Why don't we go wait inside?" Mae nodded in response and they both walked into the restaurant.

"You can go order for yourself if you want," he suggested, and Mae looked at him in confusion.

"Why, you're not planning on eating?"

"I am, but since I'm the one who did the inviting, I should probably wait till everyone else gets here." Her face fell. Of course it wouldn't be the both of us. What was I expecting? Stupid, stupid.

"No, that makes me feel bad if I eat without you or them. I guess I'll wait for them too," she whispered and stuffed her hands in her pockets. They didn't have to wait very long though, because a few minutes later, the rest of the group came walking into the shop.

"Hey guys," Mae greeted shyly, and everyone greeted her back. They made their way to a table and began to order. Mae didn't fail to notice that Jasper immediately chose to sit next to Minhee, and she couldn't help but frown.

"Your jealousy is showing," Mark hissed and nudged Mae, who immediately snapped out of her trance and mumbled an apology. But even though she tried not to pay attention to the two, she couldn't help it. Because she hated seeing the guy she liked having fun with a girl who wasn't her.

As soon as their food came, he broke Minhee's chopsticks. Then his. He set up Minhee's food. Then his. The way he looked at her when she talked was different from when he talked with everyone else at the table. It was with adoration, not just interest. Mae didn't know what was going on, but she didn't want to wait to find out. She stood up, startling everyone at the table.

"Sorry guys, something suddenly came up and I need to leave. Thanks for inviting me, Jasper. Since I'm not coming to school next week, see you all in September. Bye," she said and walked out of the door as quick as possible. As soon as she sat in her car, she burst into tears.

They weren't dating yet, she knew that. But she could tell that her efforts merited nothing. She knew that she never had a chance from the beginning. But sometimes he would talk to her, or pat her head affectionately, or do something, and she would get some small glimmers of hope. But that wishful thinking was not reality. And this reality was much harsher. She knew they were in love, even if neither of them really knew it or wanted to admit it.

Loving him was never an option because he never loved her.

✕

i should apologize.

i didn't want to break mae's heart. however, this is something that was going to happen at some point.

sometimes there's an obvious moment or thought or word or something that immediately tells you that you can't make a move anymore. and we've all been through our fair share of heartbreaks.

don't expect minhee and jasper to have an easy time either though. while mae is wallowing in her self-pity, they're still going to have problems and they're going to struggle with heartbreak (just a small spoiler oops!!).

yeah. sorry.

- daze