paper cranes | ✔️

xxxiii.

the thing is crushes really mean nothing

when you're antisocial (like me)

when you're nervous (like me)

when you're scared of rejection (like me)

because the chance is always there

i'm just too afraid to take it;

and by then,

it's too late.

✕

School had ended, yet a week after the last day, the rising seniors found themselves sitting in the auditorium for a college seminar.

"Can I just not be here? You know Froggy can just tell me everything, right?" Toad complained as the advisers handed out packets and folders. In response, the nearest adviser just shook her head and tsked.

"Hey Mae, can you take me home?" he whispered, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes at the adviser next to him to which Mae responded by kicking him in the shin. Suddenly, there was a commotion on the stage, and the group of students turned towards the front, seeing their speaker for the day. The microphone groaned from the feedback as the speaker nervously stood on the stage.

"So you're all close to becoming seniors now, which means there's a lot of extensive processes and applications as you come closer to college and jobs and such. It's important to remember that..." Mae tried listening as attentively as possible, but as the speaker droned on, she could feel herself getting sleepy; eyes closing and slowly breathing. However, she realized that this was important and she could probably stay awake. She played with her hands and her phone a little bit in an effort to distract herself so she wouldn't succumb to sleep. 

As if I could fall asleep, she thought. She was sitting right next to Jasper, which was technically both a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing because she got to sit next to the guy she liked, and a bad thing because she was currently (internally) fangirling and freaking out. Naturally, she sat next to him when entering the auditorium, and the lack of space in the auditorium had squished everyone together. Not that she was complaining though. Their arms were touching and she felt that warmth that you could only really feel with someone you liked. 

Now while this was all happening, with her face now red from the everlasting bodily contact, she still found herself feeling sleepy. And of course, it's uncomfortable to sleep upright while you're sitting in a chair, so you should lean to either your left or your right. If Mae wasn't having an inner conflict earlier due to Jasper's presence, she was having one now. Sure, they were close, but they weren't that close. What if when she leaned on him he would push her the other way? But that was the only way she could sleep comfortably. What if when she leaned on him he would get creeped out and never talk to her again? What if she started drooling while sleeping on his shoulder? What if she started snoring? She was so scared about sleeping on him that she didn't even notice the clock was ticking by.

"You know what? Fuck this," she mumbled under her breath and slowly began leaning towards him, with their arms still touching and their feet on top of each others. Just to her bad luck, the seminar ended as she was about to put her head on his shoulder. She groaned angrily and sat up, smoothing out her shirt.

"Why didn't I just take the chance?!" she yelled angrily when sat in her car, disappointed that she didn't sleep on him and that she couldn't get closer to him.

Take the chances if you get them, because they might mean something.

 ✕ 

hey y'all!

yes a normal person would be asleep but i had a triple mocha frappuccino and an iced matcha latte which means lots of caffeine and so i won't be able to sleep today.

i could have slept on his shoulder but i didn't want him to get weirded out. of course i'm not very touchy with him, but our arms and legs always touch when we sit next to each other and it's very warm and cozy. we were sitting next to each other and he kept moving around because he's fidgety so it would just be random coldness and warmth but you know what it's okay.

yeah i'm disappointed that i didn't take the chance when i had it. for all i know, i may never have this chance again. 

(yeah this basically all happened except it wasn't an assembly at school)

i try to be around him but i'm not sure his feelings all i know is that if i quantified my like for him it would be a fairly high number.

anyway.

thanks for reading :) 

lots of love,

daze