paper cranes | ✔️

xxxix.

i wish my expectations weren't so high

and that i didn't want you to always give me emotional support

because one day you're not going to be there for me,

and i don't know

how i'll act.

✕

After hours of trying to build a pillow fort without it collapsing in the middle and causing them to start over from the very beginning, Mae stood, admiring her handiwork as Toad walked into the living room carrying a large unopened box of pizza. Within seconds, her attention turned and she greedily opened the box and stuck a slice of pizza in her mouth, letting out an involuntary moan out of happiness.

"You're so gross, what the fuck."

"Watch, you're gonna do the same thing," she replied, mouth full of food. He shook his head and they entered the makeshift fort, keeping the box in between them.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask where's my favorite cousin Froggy?" she asked after a momentary silence.

"Okay, first of all, he prefers going by his actual name, Freddy. But uh...he's not around because dad kinda kicked him out," he looked at Mae carefully, "so he's living with his boyfriend at the moment. He's not home often, unfortunately."

"Aw, that sucks. I'm sorry. But! We didn't come here to mope, did we?" She slid next to him obnoxiously, nudging his shoulders and causing him to almost drop his pizza slice.

"Oh my god, Mae, I could've dropped my pizza. No, stop giving me that look. Oh god wha-"

"You're not getting your pizza back until you spill the tea about Jasmyn. What's going on? Any developments?" Toad couldn't help but sigh at Mae's question.

"I don't know man. We're friends right now and I really don't want to mess anything up because she's actually pretty chill and I just kinda wanna stay like that right now."

"God, you and Jasper are exactly the same." Toad shot her a glare at the mention of Jasper's name, scoffing,

"Alright, first of all, I am not like Jasper at all. I at least know when I have feelings for someone, and I do wanna try. But keep in mind I was such an asshole to her and I don't see why she would like me back, if I even liked her, because of all that. Secondly, that's just the problem. I don't want to be rejected, not because I have a pride or ego problem or something but just because I usually seem strong and I would probably seem like a mess in front of her in the future."

"What? You both are acting ridiculously stupid about the whole situation—when you know someone likes you, why don't you just go for it? Yeah, the feeling of rejection is pretty bad, but even worse is the feeling of regret. You keep thinking she's going to say no, but what if you ask her and she says yes? What if you end up going on dates with her and late night walks and if you're not that cheesy, just watching movies together and doing whatever on the couch. You're scared of something but you haven't even tried yet and for all we know it could end up in the best outcome possible, better than you anticipated."

After Mae stopped, the room was filled with the sounds of their light breathing and the buzz of the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, however, as both their minds were filled with the thoughts of the ones they liked and what they were going to do about it and school and how everything was eventually going to go to shit.

After a long silence, Toad began,

"Mae, I know that I'm gonna regret it if I don't do it now, but I'm so so scared. I don't want to fuck up again and ruin things with Jasmyn and Jasper." Mae sat up and reached for Toad's head, which she quietly patted.

"It's gonna be fine. You're strong anyway, and Jasmyn is really understanding. I'm sure she's forgiven you at this point anyway," she mentioned, her last sentence almost an unintelligible whisper. 

Without warning, Mae's phone started buzzing, the Nintendo Mii Channel music playing loudly as she shifted around and tried to reach for it from under the covers. She scowled when she took notice of the caller ID.

"Yeah, mā, what's up? If you're wondering where I am I'm at Toad's house, remember?" She paused when her mom didn't reply, and the sound coming from the speaker was only rough and tired sobs.

"Mā, what's wrong? Is everything alright? Where's dad, is he with you?"

"Mae-lin, can you come to the hospital, please? As soon as you can?"

"What happened?"

"J-Jiao had another asthma attack. It was much worse this time, he stopped breathing, we had to take him to the hospital with an oxygen tank. Please come, Mae-lin." At the sound of this, Mae dropped to her knees, unable to believe that this was happening. Jiao stopped breathing. The light of her life, her little baby brother, stopped breathing, and no one knew what was going to happen.

Toad, who was listening to the conversation because it was on speaker, sighed,

"Mae, you need to go." She nodded and wiped her tears hurriedly, running to the door to put her shoes and jacket on and fumbling with the keys but Toad held her wrist, effectively stopping her.

"I'm not gonna let you drive like this. You won't be able to think straight, you're not in a good mental state right now. I know I don't have a license, but I can't have you driving right now." He took Mae's keys from her hands and led her outside as she tried to sit in the car, still a little dazed and confused. 

"Right, just wear your seatbelt. I haven't driven in a while, but I'm gonna get you to the hospital. Do me a favor and text Jasmyn that I'm not gonna be on Skype when we usually are." Mae complied, sending Jasmyn a quick text.

"She's asking if everything is alright. You have daily Skype calls with her? What do you do, are you a cam-"

"Oh my god, shush. Just text her and say everything is fine, that I just have to take you somewhere," he replied, and Mae settled back into the passenger seat, looking through the window. 

She had always been wary of acting on her emotions. She knew that she would make even more mistakes and cause even more problems, but now when her brother was in such a dire situation, she couldn't help but think: I have to tell him before it's too late.

✕

| FILLER |

hey everyone! i hope y'all are doing okay. i'm aware that this is a filler chapter, but jiao having an asthma attack is kind of necessary for the plot, and it will matter for the next few chapters.

also, i should mention, i don't have prewritten chapters—if i did, i would have a proper update schedule. what i do have, however, are small ideas that i've planned out but take a really long time to make into actual coherent chapters. but anyway.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: the book is ending soon! there's only a few chapters left, as i'm planning on hopefully ending this book in june or so. i'm not sure right now.

thanks for reading!

lots of love, 

daze

wc 1243 | 11:04 am