paper cranes | ✔️

xliv.

i don't understand

why i waited so long

and why i tried to hide myself from you

why i tried to hide my feelings from you

because in the end

you found out anyway

and they barely mattered

✕

"Hey, Jasper, can you check the list and see if we have any spare decorations? Wait, actually, go to Mr. J's room and look through the closet, there might be some extra decorations. There might be some extra fairy lights or something," Jasmyn asked, pushing Jasper out of the gymnasium. Jasper threw a fond glare at Jasmyn and left the gymnasium, walking through the drab school hallways and remembering how much he hated the school and everything that had to do with it. 

Shaking his head with a soft smile on his face, Jasper walked into the classroom and made a beeline to the closet. 

"What did Jasmyn want me to get? There's barely anything in here?" he mumbled, eyes surveying the shelves for something that would even look nice as a decoration but all he saw were cleaning supplies, extra calculators, and a few jars in the back of the closet. He grumbled in distaste at the idea of having to look through the jars and risk getting bitten by a spider or something, but considering that their prom already lacked decorations, anything would be good. Besides, he wanted to have fun with his friends one last time, properly, before they all actually had to go to college. With a grunt, he brought out the nearest jar and put it on the desk closest to him, pleasantly surprised to see that it was filled with tiny white and gold origami cranes that were perfect for their prom theme. He opened the jar and sifted through the cranes, when he suddenly noticed that some of them were getting unfolded.

"Maybe I should redo some of them, since they're falling apart and I have a lot of time to kill anyway," he thought aloud, and began to unfold the some of the cranes to re-crease them. He blinked uncertainly, when he saw the familiar black scrawl of handwriting that he had seen on so many essays, projects, and anything school related—the handwriting that belonged to Mae Foster. He slowly read aloud, "Usually when I have nothing to do, I end up thinking about you, and maybe how easy it would be if I didn't. But all the little things you do fill up my mind until I become red and the butterflies fill me up till I can barely breathe." 

"Oh," he murmured softly, "I feel like I wasn't supposed to ever see this." But he couldn't help it. He was curious now; he knew that Mae liked him, but he had no idea how much. Sure, he was probably going to feel immensely guilty afterwards—how was he supposed to talk to Mae? Be like "Yeah I know you like me so don't worry but I'm sorry I don't like you back?" Fat chance.—but at this point he didn't care. He was giddy on the feeling that someone liked him (as all kids feel when they get confessed to even if they don't reciprocate the feelings back).

[A/N: I will explain the situation happening above, because I have a feeling that some of you will think that he's being rude by reading something that he knows is private (He is). There are people who always have good morals, but sometimes their curiosity gets the best of them. Even though he knows that he's not doing the right thing, and that he'll feel guilty afterwards, he's happy and he's going with the feeling of "Oh! This person likes me, I wonder why?" which is why even though he respects her privacy, he's probably going to end up reading a few more of the cranes. He won't mention anything to Mae. Jasper seems like he's a bad guy but he's immature and doesn't know better, but I don't condone this behavior so ALWAYS RESPECT A PERSON'S PRIVACY NO MATTER WHAT!]

"I know what the truth is, don't I? Why do I wait, when I know that the words 'I like you' are not for me, but for her instead?" he read aloud with a small frown on his face. He continued to read some more, only to realize that it was all just too sad. With a shake of his head, he put all the cranes back into the jar and screwed the lid back on and put it back in the closet. 

"Shit, Jasmyn is going to kill me," he grumbled when he glanced at his watch. But to his luck he found a jar next to the one with the cranes filled with golden streamers, and grabbed it with him as he walked back to the gym. His heart was hammering wildly in his chest—was he supposed to confront Mae about this? Was he supposed to talk to Minhee? What was he supposed to do? His mind was a mess and now he suddenly wished that he didn't get conofirmation that Mae liked him. But it was too late. He had seen everything, and the only possible solution was amnesia. 

"Hey Jasper, thanks for bringing the decorations!" Mae exclaimed, taking the jar from him and taking the streamers out, preparing to attach them to the tables and the walls.

"Hey, uh, Mae, do you think we can talk real quick?" Surprised, Mae nodded, and Jasmyn mouthed a "good luck" to her. 

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Mae asked, her hands clammy and her brain already trying to prepare her for the worst. 

"Um, so I'm sorry that I didn't realize that you liked me. I mean I knew, but I didn't know how much and I'm sorry because I didn't realize that it was hurting you so much and that I was leading you on. I'm really sorry, Mae."

"Hold on, what brought this on? I didn't expect you to confront me about this because I made sure that no one would be able to confirm other than me," Mae paused for a moment, "Unless you saw while you were at Mr. J's..." She looked straight at him, and he stared at the ground sheepishly, rubbing his nape.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have looked at it, it was an invasion your privacy and it wasn't necessarily the best thing to do because I knew if you didn't confess before you probably weren't planning on doing it anytime soon. I'm sorry for all of this Mae," he responded, and Mae's expression softened.

"Look, while I'm not entirely happy with the fact that you looked through something that wasn't yours, I understand that you were curious. And I mean you know now, so I don't understand why you're apologizing. It's not like I'm going to be stuck on your for the rest of my life. And yeah, you were right, I wasn't going to confess anytime soon, but since you know now, you might as well have this," Mae replied and handed him the letter that she wrote some time ago that had her confession in it. 

The next few minutes were a bit awkward. Mae felt like so open, so vulnerable, and her heart was beating wildly against her ribcage and while she was still greatly annoyed that he never gave her the chance to say anything herself, she realized that nothing was going to happen. She should have just done this a while ago and just gotten over with it.

"Hey, Mae," he said, breaking her out of her thoughts. She nodded, and he took it as his cue to continue.

"Thank you for telling me, and thank you for liking me. You're such a wonderful person, and I'm honestly so blessed to have you in my life. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to reciprocate any of your feelings, but you were one of the best friends I've had through high school and if you weren't there, it may have been really hard for a lot of us. So thank you for everything you've done for me, Mae," he confessed, bringing her in for a hug and wrapping his arms around her small body.

"Thank you," she whispered softly and they broke the hug. He gave her a small smile and pocketed the piece of paper, before going back into the gymnasium to continue setting up for prom.

She leaned against the wall and dropped to her knees, relaxing. She had been dreading those words, the "I don't like you" and "I didn't reciprocate your feelings" but now that she finally heard them, she didn't feel that sad. It was like hearing the words he said, and knowing that it was going to be okay, made her feel whole again. 

✕

Hello! I know that this may have made it seem like there's nothing left, but I promise you there are. Don't worry! The grand finale is coming soon!

Yeah, so in the earlier author's note I mentioned that Jasper was being rude by continuing to read the paper cranes even though he knew it was an invasion of her privacy and I definitely agree with that, and like I said, I don't condone that behavior. The only reason it happened in the book was because that's how his character is, and he was going off the adrenaline he was feeling. Hope that cleared it up.

Thank you for reading!

- Daze