paper cranes | ✔️

xlii.

Mae sat down at her desk, letting out a quiet sigh. Her phone was left unattended, soft music playing out of the attached earbuds. 

She took out her black pen and smoothed the blank piece of lined paper, her lip quivering slightly as she thought about what to write. Before she knew it, her thoughts began pouring out as they turned into cherished moments and stories about all the good times they had together. 

Hi Jasper.

Now, you probably don't have to wonder why I'm writing this letter. I'm pretty sure it's obvious. In the event that I don't chicken out and somehow this gets delivered to you, whether by me or one of my hench(wo)men, please read it alone. And if at this point you realize you don't really care, then just burn it or something, thanks. (Get rid of the evidence as quickly as possible; it'll be the best for the both of us.)

How about we start with the obvious: I like you. You might wonder why, but that's a different story. You probably know why so many girls like you anyway, so I don't think you want to hear it from me anyway. If you didn't know earlier, you know now.

And for that, I should apologize. I know that liking you caused a lot of inconveniences for you, and I sure as hell hope that it didn't affect you too much. It might have ruined a few friendships. Not just between Minhee and me, but maybe between some of your friends too. I'm sorry that this had to get so blown up. I never intended a small high school romance to result in so much drama and tears. 

Either way, I want to thank you for letting me like you. I mean if you didn't know, thank you anyway. You may not have known, but I was going through a pretty tough time — what with school stress and Jiao's situation. But seeing you every day somehow made my day better. I'm not really sure how to say this, but seeing you smile or seeing you talk to me or just your small jokes would make me smile and it made me happy to see someone I like happy. Thanks for all this. It's a bit of a stretch, but I'm not lying when I say you're one of the best things to happen to me. Yeah, high school is a butt and college will be worse, but you got rid of some of that stress and you were just constantly supportive of me and I have to thank you for all of that. It's thanks to you that I've actually liked myself a little bit more.

With most letters, you would think that someone would expect a reply. Well, let me tell you that I most definitely not. When, or even if you get this letter, you may already be in a relationship with someone else and have your mind made up about them. Maybe I won't even matter to you then. But either way, this letter isn't meant to change your mind about anything or help you make up your mind — this is just for me to get my feelings out. You'd be surprised what talking does and I don't want to "pretend" that we don't know about my feelings. It's better that you know. Just remember, you don't have to send me a reply later.

For a while, I'll probably not hang out with you. This isn't because I'm going to start hating you or anything. I think it'll just be best for me to let you figure out your own feelings, and so we can get less caught up in this unfulfilling romance and more into our actually important lives. While I do believe that romance is important, I think I'll take a break from it to actually figure out what I want to do. 

So if you see me hanging out with other people and spending less time with you and the guys, remember, it's not your fault. Never feel bad about yourself. Not that you do, anyway. I guess that's one of the reasons I've liked you so much. Yeah, you don't open up about your problems very often, but I like the way you're determined and optimistic and caring and everything in between. While you are rather good-looking, that's not what I fell for because I find your heart more precious. 

Well this was long. And it probably won't do anything, but once again, if you somehow get this, then let's let it go and live as friends, yeah? Eventually. Thank you for all the memories.

Love,

Mae Foster

She put the pen down and sighed once again. Was she ever going to send the letter? Probably not. But sometimes, you feel like telling the person just because you've kept it bottled up for so long and you wish you could tell them before it's too late. But then, you wouldn't do it because you don't want them to be unnerved. You don't want to ruin more friendships and ruin more relationships. You don't want to be humiliated. Rejected. Abandoned.

With these thoughts running in her mind, Mae pursed her lips and folded the letter neatly, stowing the letter in the back of her book, making sure to keep it concealed and hidden.

"Well, that's that. I'm gonna have to remember to put it in that jar later on," she whispered to herself, before turning away and just immersing herself in her music. 

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second update of the day! 

this hopefully is the better chapter of the two <3