Behind The Scenes Of Choni: A Madnessa Story [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 18

[MADELAINE'S POV]
We had arrived at Veggie Grill. We had already ordered so we took our seat. Cami, Lili, and Vanessa were having a conversation while I was engrossed with my thoughts. My leg was shaking up and down quickly while my fingers tapped against it at the same pace. I was staring at it absentmindedly while listening to the voice closely. Pathetic. Disgusting. Disappointing. Useless. I'm not. You are. No. Yes. Imagine all the people staring. Why don't you look up and see? No. Look at the crowd. Stop. I was brought out of my thoughts by the feeling of a hand on mine. I quickly stop the movements of my hand and leg, and I look up frightened. Vanessa was looking at me worriedly. Tell her to stop pretending to worry. She is worried. I bet she isn't. "Are you okay?" She asks softly. She brings her other hand up to my cheek and I flinch away for a split second in fear. She's going to hurt you. No she won't. I lean into her hand wanting to feel safe. Vanessa moves her thumb across my cheek wiping a tear I didn't know I had. I couldn't hear Camila and Lili talking. It was either because they were watching us silently, or because I was only focusing on Vanessa. They're watching. They're judging. Camila, and Lili wouldn't judge me. Everyone would judge you. Camila said she wouldn't. Then she lied. I look over to Camila and Lili and see them both watching with looks of concern. "Stop judging me." I mumble. Camila's expression changes from concerned to shocked. "I would never judge you, Madelaine." Camila says. Don't listen to their lies. "Stop lying." I say quietly. "I'm not lying. I'm being completely honest, Mads." Camila reassures. Don't listen to her. You can't trust her. You can only trust me. I won't lie to you like they will. I try to ignore it by repeating what Vanessa told me. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. That won't work. I ignored it. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. Stop trying and just listen to me. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. You're starting to make me angry. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. Shall I make you punish yourself again? "Tell it to stop." I beg looking to Vanessa knowing it won't stop. I feel even more tears fall down my cheeks. "Tell what to stop?" She asks confused. "The voice." I say almost inaudibly. I'm trying my best not to start sobbing in public. I can't draw attention to myself. My throat burns as I hold back my sobs. Vanessa turns her whole body in her chair so she is facing towards me. She grabs my cheeks softly and slowly. She wipes my tears with her thumbs. "It's okay. I'm here." She soothes. I put my hands over hers. I rub my finger against her promise ring. "Ignore it. Listen to me. We care about you so much, okay? We love you. We are not going to judge you, and we most definitely will not lie to you. That voice," Vanessa says looking at my forehead but quickly looking back into my eyes. "It needs to leave my precious baby alone. It needs to stop messing with you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I hate when that stupid thing brings you pain. You don't deserve any of this unhappiness." Vanessa says. I can hear the sadness in her voice but also the love. "I love you." She whispers. "I love you too." I smile. She leans in slowly. As we are centimeters away she quickly moves her head upwards to kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry but we're in public." Vanessa apologizes. "It's okay." I say. I forgot about the whole not out thing. I was so focused on Vanessa I forgot I wanted to keep our relationship a secret from the public. I smile at her and she smiles back. I pull away as does she. Just as we pull away the waitress comes with our food. She sets the food in front of us quickly before leaving. I look to Camila who is texting away happily on her phone then I look over to a shocked Lili. Shit. We never told her did we? I nudge Vanessa lightly. "We never told Lili." I say motioning towards Lili who is still frozen in her spot. Do I want to tell her? I could just play it cool and act like it was just Vanessa being a good friend. She's already suspicious. She's already judging. Might as well just confirm her suspicions so she can yell at you. She won't yell. Just listen to me. I'm helping you. You aren't helping. Yes I am! I flinch slightly at the sudden loud noise. "Oh yeah!" Vanessa exclaims which brings me out of my thoughts. "Do you want to tell her?" Vanessa whispers. Don't tell her. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. I nod my head. She smiles at me. I face towards Lili. "So," I start. "We're dating." Vanessa finishes while also flipping her hair. "We aren't out to the public yet. We are waiting until I'm ready. Travis agreed to be my boyfriend to the public until I am ready to come out." I explain quickly. Lili sits silently while taking it all in. My leg starts shaking quickly. Vanessa sets her hand on my knee attempting to soothe my nerves. She's judging. No. She's just surprised. She always had suspicions about you being a disgusting dyke. You just confirmed it for her. She's definitely judging. "Are you judging me?" I ask nervously. "Are you kidding me?" Lili asks surprised. "I would never judge you. I'm so happy for you. You guys are so perfect for each other. Oh my gosh y'all are so cute!" Lili says happily. "Really?" I ask. "Yes! What's the ship name?" Lili asks Cami. "Madnessa." Cami smiles. "That's so cute." Lili says. "So you aren't mad?" I ask nervously. "Of course not." Lili says. "You deserve to be happy. I can tell Vanessa makes you happy. You guys deserve to be together." Lili smiles sweetly. I smile at that. "Thank you." I say relieved. "Of course." Lili says. I look over to Vanessa to see her staring at me with a huge smile plastered on her face. "What?" I giggle. "You're just so beautiful. I'm so proud of you. I'm so lucky to have you. I really don't deserve someone as perfect as you." Vanessa says adoringly. I don't understand how she could think so highly of me while I think the exact opposite. "I love you." I say. "I love you too." Vanessa says kissing my knuckles. "Lili!" I say excitedly. She looks away from Camila and at me. "Looky at the promise rings Nessa got us!" I say excitedly. I show her my hand and she looks at the ring closely. "That's so cute." Lili says holding my hand to see the ring better. Lili looks at Vanessa and Vanessa gives Lili her hand. "Matching!" Lili says. I nod happily. Lili smiles at me. I look beside Lili to see Camila staring at her lovingly. I giggle and Lili turns quickly to face Camila. "What?" Lili asks confused. Camila looks away and blushes lightly. "Nothing." She smiles. "Hey babe," Vanessa says getting my attention. I hum for her to continue. "You should really get eating before your food gets cold." Vanessa says motioning towards my plate. I look at my plate. I cringe at the amount of food on the plate. I look to Vanessa to see her already eating her food. Don't eat. You're already too fat. Don't trust it. Don't listen to it. I pick up my fork and get a good amount onto it. Don't. I ignore it and bring the fork up to my mouth. It feels like I haven't eaten in weeks even though I ate this morning. I chew the food quickly and swallow it feeling starved. I continue to eat the food until I hear Vanessa speak up, "So, what's going on with you guys?" She asks Lili and Camila. She adds a smirk along with raising her eyebrow. Oh my god if she couldn't be anymore obvious. Lili blushes while Camila laughs. "Well we are not dating." Camila says. "Wow real bummer." Vanessa slouches. I laugh at how cute she is. "I told Lili my feelings and she asked for time to figure out hers which I happily agreed to. I would wait an eternity if she asked me to." Camila smiles. "Now I sit vulnerable while Lili chooses to either play with my feelings or actually give me a chance." Camila jokes. Lili hits her arm playfully. "I would never just play with your feelings. I'm actually keeping mine in thought and yours. So far it's going pretty well." Lili explains while also eating her food. "I'm going to still be upset until you guys are dating." Vanessa says with her mouth full of food, so it was more of mumbling. I roll my eyes. I wipe the side of her mouth with a napkin. "It's disrespectful to talk with your mouth full!" Camila spits. "Fight me." Vanessa demands. Camila stands up quickly as does Vanessa. "Nobody will be fighting anybody." I say sternly. I pull Vanessa back down into her seat, while Lili does the same to Camila. "But," Vanessa starts. I glare at her before she can say anything else. She pouts and slouches into her chair. "Fine." She mumbles. Lili laughs at us. "It's not funny." Vanessa pouts. "It's kind of funny, baby." I giggle. Vanessa ignores our laughter and continues to eat her food. After our laughter dies down we finish our food. I pay for our food and get up to leave. "Still up for the mall?" Vanessa asks. "Yep." I smile. She giggles at that. "You guys up for the mall?" Vanessa asks Lili and Camila. "Always." Lili says excitedly. Camila nods nonchalantly. "Great." I say happily. "I'll ride with Lili." Camila says. Vanessa nods before walking me out of the building. We get into the car and Vanessa drives quickly to the mall. "What do you want? I will buy you whatever you want." Vanessa asks. "I don't really know. I just want to look right now." I say. "Okay, well tell me if you see anything." Vanessa says getting out of the car. She walks around and opens my door for me. "You don't need to buy me anything. I can buy it for myself." I argue. "Nope. If you want something I am buying it for you." Vanessa states. "Then if you want anything I will buy it for you. Deal?" I ask. Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Fine. Deal." She sighs. We get to the front of the mall and see Camila and Lili pull into the parking lot. They walk up to us quickly. "Let's go shopping!" Lili says excitedly. We all laugh at that. Lili grabs my hand and drags me into the mall. "Where first?" She asks enthusiastically.

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I have been with my family a lot or with my friends. I hope you guys like the chapter though. Sorry if it isn't good I'm a little rusty lol. Who's pov do you guys like more? Madelaine's or Vanessa's?

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