Im depressed, srry

Lifeboat

ayy the titles a reference.
kinda...

anywho, i was outta town for a bunch the past month. i got home from one thing, just to pack up again and leave for the next. i havnt had my phone in a while.

i dont know what it is, but i feel like I'm in water all the time. a lot of the time when I write on here, i feel like i've been sucked farther than the water. if i had to explain it, i guess i'd use honey. i feel like im sinking in honey and i dont have enough energy-or the right energy-to get out. then, other times, i feel like im floating in water, somewhere between the honey and the air. i have enough energy to do things, but i'm dragged down by depression and despair.

Then, and more and more recently, i feel as if i'm finally floating above the water. I dont know what's pulled me above sea level, but i think im floating in a bubble (however weird that sounds).

Some people are lucky, and have never touched the water. the times they feel sad they've only brushed the surface of the sea. those people fly on wings instead of in bubbles.

as soon as an innocent soul gets trapped in the water, its so very hard to get out. theyre wings are mottled and wet, and drag them down until the feathers disappear. if they're hopeless and can't find help, they sink to the depths of the sticky honey.

some people are curled up in the honey, warm and sad and accepting of their fate. (emptiness feels warm and strange after a while). some are struggling pitifully to get out, sticky and muffled and with tear filled eyes.

others are floating in the water, sad and empty and cold. they sometimes reach the surface and never break through. and yet others are still on the edge of sinking to the honey.

those in the water look up and see the winged people and cry, envious of that freedom from sorrow. those in the honey look up and can only dream of wings, not see, because that memory has been long forgotten.

us in bubbles float inbetween. sometimes i feel like im being enveloped by the water, just to suddenly bob right above it instead. then, on really good days,  i feel like im soaring in the clouds that i havent dreamt of in so long. on bad days i feel like im floating right on top of the surface.

it pains me to know that this wonderful innocence is short lived. i can only hope to put off the day that i dip back into the depths of the sea and drown in my own tears, because i can feel the water slowly latching onto my shimmery bubble.

one day it will pop, and whatever has saved me now will have to save me again.