so a little while ago, i told my mom how i felt about food. well, how i "used to" feel, but honestly i still feel the same.
i told her about how i saw calories. i saw anything over 1000 as really bad, and thought i would get fat. as far as i remember, during the worst of it, i aimed for 100 calories a day, but still usually ended up eating 200-500, and on a really bad day i'd get all the way up to 800. (though i didn't tell her that part.)
when i told her i'd thought eating more than 1000 calories was bad, she scolded me. she told me that was starving myself. that we needed more than 1000 calories a day to live. that anyone who didn't know that was stupid. she tried to tell me that she knew they were just thoughts, but then continued to go on about how stupid and idiotic it was to think like that! she totally ignored the fact that i could not control those thoughts.
i confided in her, and she got mad at me for something i can't control.
how am i supposed to trust her? to tell her how i actually feel, when that was only a small percent of what i actually thought and felt?
i can't
not again. not when she will react incredulously and blame me.
not when she will retaliate with words that will come back to me during a panic attack, when no one can see or judge me but myself and the thoughts in my head
YOU ARE READING
Im depressed, srry
Randomdont read if youre prone to grammatical errors, depression, the like. if anyone wants me to mark this as mature i will, but the only thing to be wary of is sad thoughts i was gonna put humor for the genre, to be ironic, but i dont want someone who's...
