i thought i was better
i thought i was healing
i thought i got over this
but apparently not
i was doing so good
i wasn't counting calories, just like they wanted me to
i was maintaining my weight, though that didn't matter, i wasn't losing much in the first place (because i wasn't determined enough. i should have been more determined)
i was naive to how much
or how little
i was eating
but yesterday
i avoided eating
i just ate candy
the entire day
i felt so dizzy
and unbalanced
and tired
and today
i counted again
i had the calories memorized from before
190+190 for Ramen
110+55 for Apple juice
60 or 80 for a scrambled egg
200 for a poptart
i had to force myself to finish the last one
but do you know how many calories that is?
785 to 805
too much too much too much too much
but do you know what my mom would say?
"not enough not enough not enough"
"only half of what a girl your age and height should be eating"
"You're starving yourself"
"you need to eat more"
"that's not enough to live
to survive"
but
its too much
it makes me feel fat
huge
gross
nauseous
overfull
i thought i was better
YOU ARE READING
Im depressed, srry
Randomdont read if youre prone to grammatical errors, depression, the like. if anyone wants me to mark this as mature i will, but the only thing to be wary of is sad thoughts i was gonna put humor for the genre, to be ironic, but i dont want someone who's...
