I kept Demi snuggled into my side as she slept, her head resting against my chest, her swollen stomach which was holding our son or daughter was pressed against my side. This felt right and honestly, I felt so guilty. I'm leading this girl on. I'm giving her hope and then I'm crushing it. We're having a baby and we aren't even together. I always dreamt that I'd be married to the girl of my dreams before introducing children into the world, but I suppose life doesn't always work out how you plan it.
I pulled my phone from my pocket as quickly as possible as I cunot to wake Demi as it notified me of a message.
Joe: How's Dem?
Nick: She's drained and there's nothing I can do to make this better for her. It sucks!
I pressed a kiss to the top of Demi's head that was resting right above my heart. Just the thought of her being able to hear the thumping of my heart caused my whole body to tingle. I don't think I've ever loved somebody so much and I don't think I've ever destroyed somebody so much. The one person I promised that I'd never hurt, I've hurt the most. The memories that we share are something that nobody would ever understand.
"Demi?" I called as I placed a gentle knock on her hotel door, a giggle filtered into the hallway from inside the room, the only giggle that caused my insides to turn to jelly. "Dems?" it didn't take long for the door to be pulled open and I was met with a giggling Demi.
"Nick" she squealed, diving on me, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck. I was instantly hit by the overwhelming stench of alcohol.
"D?" I know she's known for partying and being reckless but she's alone in her hotel room. "D, come on" she giggled as I took a gentle hold of her wrist and pulled her back into the room. She only continued to giggle.
"Nick" she stumbled slightly as I released her wrist, my eyes landing on the empty alcohol bottles that sat around her bed, some even spilt on the cream carpet. "Why are you here?" she slurred as she spoke. I didn't get a chance to speak, a lump formed in my throat as she stumbled towards me, her eyes locked with mine, an enticing sort of gaze in her eyes. I could finally see how dilated her pupils really were.
"D? Are you okay?" she only giggled at my question, standing a matter of centimetres away from me.
"I'm on top of the world" she twirled slightly and giggled, my arms locking around her waist as she stumbled. Her big brown eyes burnt into mine and the next minute her lips were on mine. I didn't hesitate to kiss her back, Demi's arms wrapping around my neck, her fingers locking into my curls as she brought me closer to her, but I know this isn't Demi. This isn't my Demi.
"No, D" I pushed her away, but nothing would ever make me forget the look of rejection that crossed her face.
"You don't want me" my heart broke at the sadness in her voice. She isn't on top of the world anymore and there's only myself to blame.
"No, Dems. I..." my heart completely shattered at the tears that welled up in her gorgeous brown dopey eyes.
"You're just like everybody else" I went to grab her hands but she only pulled her grip from mine which caused her to stumble backwards, dropping back against the bed and it broke me as the tears started their journey down her lightly pink tinted cheeks. "Why am I never good enough?" I could tell by the slight slur to her voice that she was still heavily intoxicated. "Why does nobody ever want me?" I honestly didn't know what to say. "Just admit it, Nick. You don't want me, do you? It's because I repulse you so much" I jumped slightly in surprise and confusion at the sudden change to her tone of voice. She wasn't whimpering or whining anymore, she was screaming at me. "I disgust you, don't I? Because I'm all fucked up in the head and I'm not perfect like you and every other girlfriend that you've had" I could tell that she didn't know what she was saying but I could also tell that her words held the truth. This is what she believes. "Why don't you just admit it, Nick?" her hand came into contact with my chest as she pushed herself up from the bed, stumbling towards me but I didn't move an inch. "Why are all you men the same? It gets too hard, so you leave. You can't handle me, Nick?" the tone of her voice was honestly confusing. Her hands ran down my chest, slightly tugging at the bottom of my shirt as she reached it before her hands tugged on the belt around my waist.
"Demi, stop" I wrapped my hands around her wrists, halting her movements of trying to unfasten my belt.
"Why? Why don't you want me, Nick?" the way that she whimpered, shattered my heart.
"Dems, it isn't that I don't want you" I released one of her wrists so I could stroke a loose strand of hair behind her ear, but she turned her head away from me. "D? Dems look at me" she chewed down on her lip but kept her eyes away from me. I took a gentle hold of her chin with my thumb and forefinger and turned her to face me. "Come here" I released her wrist and slowly circled my arm around her neck, but she only tried to keep her distance. "Dems?" I circled my arms around her neck and pulled her tightly into my chest even as she struggled against me.
"Don't leave" she mumbled as she collapsed against me, my arms tightening around her as she completely broke down against me.
That was when I promised myself that I would never break her but I ended up doing just that. I would never do to her what other men had done previously.
——
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