Can't Make Up My Mind (Nouis & Zouis)

Chapter Twenty - Life Without Him

Louis' POV

It had been six weeks since the car crash, that is, a month and a half exactly. 

I was used to hearing it now, but every time someone told me Niall will wake up soon! or Don't worry, your symptoms will start to clear up, I felt like punching someone.

Niall wasn't going to wake up, it had been a month and a half for gods sake. 

My symptoms weren't going anywhere anytime soon. I was a goner and so was he.

It killed me to think like that though, I spent most days at the hospital, by Niall's side. After a few weeks I had no tears left to cry, no words left to speak. I would just sit there and watch him, silently pleading he would wake up.

Today was one of the first days I was going to spend at home, my mum refused to let me go today, she told me I needed a break. 

All the girls were at school, and mum was at work along with my step father. So I just slowly hopped around the house, unsure of what to do with myself. I still had the option to be in a wheel chair, but I preferred crutches, they mad getting up the stairs a lot easier, and I felt more independent when I didn't have to be pushed around.

I made my way slowly up the stairs, entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

I don't know why I had brought myself in here, I didn't need the loo nor did I need to have a shower or bath. I just needed something to do, something to take my mind of things.

It was then that a my razor came in too view, catching my eye. 

I had done it twice before. When I had gotten my results for my a levels back the first time, I had been completely depressed, it had been the only way out then...

And the weeks after the scene in the airport, it was the only thing that numbed the pain.

Without another thought I grabbed the razor from the side of the sink, sitting down on the toilet letting my crutches drop to the floor. I lowered the razor to my wrist, my whole body shaking.

I started off with a tiny cut, only breaking through the skin in the slightest. But of course that wasn't enough.

It wasn't till the blood was dripping down my arm that I finally managed to chuck the razor away. I was crying as my whole arm seared in pain. I held it tightly in a face cloth, rocking back and forth sobbing to myself.

The doorbell went downstairs, but I ignored it, hoping it was just the postman or some annoying fans. But whoever it was persisted, they rang it three times before shouting loudly. "LOUIS, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

I recognised the voice straight away, but stayed silent, hoping Harry would just go away.

After a minute or so he gave up. I thought he had left when I heard a loud bang, he had somehow managed to knock my door down. He started shouting around for me and I could hear him fumbling around in and out of rooms downstairs. 

He stormed up the stairs making the whole house shake.

"Louis where are you?!" He shouted on the hallway, I could hear him loud and clear from behind the doorway. I tried to get up, but completely forgot about the cast on my leg, regretting putting any weight on my leg after I fell to the floor. I gasped as my arm caught on the bath, scratching the cut and causing it to flow blood way faster than it had before. 

Despite trying hard not too, I screamed.

Harry burst in, taking in the sight of me on the floor, holding my bloody arm in a facecloth with my other. "Oh my god Louis, please tell me you're okay."