And Peggy

28

**trigger warning: attempt at self harm (sorry)**

That night I couldn't sleep. I just thought of the staring, the laughing, the pointing, what Levi did to me. I started crying quietly hoping I wouldn't wake up Cornelia. After a while I just gave up.

I quietly walked down to the kitchen. I turned on my phone's flashlight and looked around. Then I found what I was looking for- a knife. I looked at my reflection in the blade. I couldn't do this. What was I thinking? I put it back only to find it back in my hand.

I went back up the steps and went into the bathroom. I sat on the floor and put my arm over the bathtub. I held the knife out. I felt tears rush down my cheeks. I saw them drip on the knife. I caught another glimpse of my reflection in the blade, but I saw something else.

Cornelia.

I dropped the knife into the bathtub.

"P-Peggy." She said crying.

"Cornelia."

She locked the door. Why didn't I do that? "Why?"

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I just don't want you to be sad; I don't want you to die." She hugged me tightly.

I picked her up and held her in my arms. "I'll tell you, but it will be our secret okay?"

"Okay."

"So this kid sexually harassed me. That meant he kept kissing me and grabbing me without me wanting him to."

"Was it John?"

"We broke up."

"You did. Why?"

"He told people something and let them change the story to hurt me."

"Oh. What a bitch."

"Cornelia!"

"Sorry, but it's true."

"Yeah, you're right." I smiled.

"Peggy?"

"Yes."

"Promise me you won't do this again. Please just talk to me. I can keep secrets."

"I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Yes, I pinky promise." I interlocked my pinky around hers.

She stood up and reached out her hand to help me up. I grabbed her hand and held it down the hall to our room. She jumped onto my bed.

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I need to make sure you feel better."

"Of course."

She laid down next to me. I wrapped my arm around her.

"Wait." She ran over to her bed and grabbed the dog stuffed animal I gave her when she was a baby. She crawled over me and laid back down.

"I love you, Cornelia."

"I love you too!"

I kissed her head.

"Peggy, I can't sleep."

"Me either."

"Can we think of nicknames for each other?"

"Why not?"

"How about I call you Meg?"

"And I'll call you Lia."

"Now we need a handshake. Sit up."

I sat up. "Okay."

"Wait. Stand up."

I got off of the bed and she stood in front of me.

"How about this?" She hit my right hand then turned her hand to hit mine again underneath our arms. Then she hit her right ankle to mine.

"Wait is this t-"

"Boyf Riends handshake? Yep."

"Wait, you've listened to Be More Chill?"

"Yeah and Heathers and Dear Evan Hansen."

"Really? Me too!"

"You really are cooler than a vintage cassette." She laughed.

I scooped her up, spun her around, and sat her on the bed. "Angie, Eliza, Maria, Sally, and I are going as Heathers characters. Do you want to join? I'm not sure who you can be, but-"

"I already am going as one."

"Really?"

"Yeah, a slushie!"

"Really?"

"Yep. Want to see my costume?"

"Obviously!"

She turned on the lights and ran to her closet. "Close your eyes."

"Okay." I closed my eyes and waited for her to show me. Why the fuck weren't we sleeping? It's is almost 3 in the morning and we have school. Great.

"Now open."

I opened my eyes and sure enough she was a slushie. It was kinda like one of those food halloween costumes but a slushie. It was adorable.

"Now did you say Coke or cherry slushie?"

"I didn't. Cherry."

"So you do know the movie."

"Mommy and I watched it together."

"Okay. Well, how about you get that costume off, so we can go to bed. We kind of have school."

"Okay."

As she took her costume off, I went to grab the knife from the bathroom. I put it under my bed.

"Good night, Meg!"

"G'night, Lia!"

Okay listen. I need all of you to know that all of you are important and that all of you matter. If any of you need to talk, feel free to pm me. I will talk to you about anything. I am very supportive of all of you guys even if we never talked. Each and every one of you are loved.