Together is enough // phanfiction

Part 8

Phil

Phil and Dan just sat in silence for a while. Phil was still processing everything Dan had told him. When he looked at him he couldn't understand how someone could hurt someone like Dan. "They didn't just yell at you during lunch did they?" Phil asked, but he already knew the answer. Dan just kept looking down. "They don't always attack me you know, sometimes weeks go by and all I get is a few slurs. I think Spencer was just really on edge today, after that incident with you and he just had to take it out on someone." 

Dan smiled. That smile broke Phil's heart. It wasn't a happy smile, it was a smile with the message, I'm smiling because if I don't smile I might cry. "I'm sorry." Phil whispered. "No, no! It wasn't your fault!" Dan assured. "It wasn't your fault either, you know that right?" Phil tried to make eye contact but Dan kept looking down. He just nodded.

"What did he do?" Phil asked softly. He didn't want to pry, he wanted to help. For a second Dan didn't respond, then he leaned back and slowly lifted up his shirt. Phil gasped. Dan's stomach was completely red with purple and blue spots all around. I looked extremely painful. "Dan... you should tell someone about this." 

"No!" Dan said with a strong voice, pulling his shirt back down. "That is not okay Dan, they can't just do that and get away with it!" "They already have." Dan said, looking defeated. "I tried telling a teacher, it just got worse after that. And my mom..." He sighed. "It hurts her more than me, so I'd rather just..." Dan shook his head, Phil understood what he meant. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. 

"We should do something fun." Phil exclaimed. Dan grinned and looked up. "Like what?" Phil looked around, trying to think of something. "Do you have booze here?" He looked at Dan with a cheeky smile. 

*Two hours later*

Dan was laying on the couch, a beer in his hand, looking at the ceiling. Phil was laying on the floor while resting his feet on the second couch. Phil had never been this drunk, he'd only ever had two beers at the same time, now he had a little more than that. Dan had drank more than him but he seemed more used to it some how.

"Can I ask you about Spencer?" Phil asked. He felt Dan hesitating. "Sorry you don't have to, never mind." "No, you know what, ask away, I like being able to tell my side of the story." "Ok.." Phil thought for a minute. "What was he like?" Dan smiled at this question. "Really? That is what you wanna know?" He turned his head towards Phil, who just shrugged. 

"Okay, ehm, he was... funny, really funny actually. He has a amazing sense of humor." Dan looked back at the ceiling, he seemed to be going back in his mind. "He was able to make me cry laugh, like laughing until it really hurt." Phil chuckled, "I wouldn't have guessed that." "No he doesn't really show it, he just makes dumb, rude comments. Like you know how girls sometimes dumb themselves down to try to be more popular?" Phil nodded. "I think Spencer does that as well." Dan said.

"Also... he was... sensitive... you know?" Dan looked sideways again, seeing Phil struggling to get up off the floor. Dan giggled, Phil was not used to alcohol, that much was obvious. "He had like this second layer, that he hid from everyone." Dan sat up and took a sip of his beer. "Everyone except for me, he trusted me..." Dan looked in the distance, like he was remembering it all. Phil finally managed to get on two feet and let himself fall on the couch, right next to Dan. He stared at him for a while. 

"Did you love him?" he eventually asks. Dan looked at Phil like he was shook out of a dream. "I think so..." he said slowly, "I do know that I trusted him, and really cared for him." 

Phil nodded, "Do you still?" Dan was silent for a while, like he didn't know the answer to that question. "No." he finally said. "I did for a while afterwards. First I was just hurt and heartbroken, but after a while the anger came. That made all the feelings go away." He paused again. 

"Sure when I think back at the time we were together I remember how I felt then, but how he dropped me, how he treated me..." Dan shook his head, "how he still treats me... I could never forgive him for that." Phil nodded again, "I get that, he broke your trust." 

"Yeah and it wasn't just fun and sex you know. I told him things, personal things." 

Phil looked at Dan like he was a piece of art. He knew the alcohol made Dan talk easier, but he liked to hear this stuff. He was genuinely interested in Dan and his life. 

"He told me things too, you know. It wasn't like one sided love... I think he loved me too. He just... loved his reputation more..." Dan started talking softer. "And he was scared... his dad wasn't really... accepting." Phil looked up, surprised. He never thought he had something in common with Spencer.

"Really?" Phil tried to sound normal. "Yeah he was quite an aggressive man. Spencer would rather drive hours when we hung out than risking his dad seeing him with me." Dan got lost in thought again, reminiscing. 

"What is it like to have sex with a boy?" Phil blurted out, out of nowhere. Dan laughed and looked at him. "Why? Have you had sex with a girl?" "No, I mean..." Phil started to blush, "like with sex-ed and on tv you see straight sex all the time, but like..." he hesitated, "is it the same with a boy?" 

Dan chuckled at seeing Phil getting uncomfortable, and he thought for a few seconds. "I don't know really, it's definitely not the same as sex scenes on tv or porn or something. There was no screaming or like yelling out stuff like "fuck me" or something." Phil didn't feel uncomfortable anymore seeing how easy Dan talked about sex. 

Dan continued, "It was... gentle, soft... tender..."  Phil could hear the emotion Dan put in his words, he was being honest. It was like Phil was put in a trance when Dan talked. "There was no bondage or hitting or something like that, just our skins touching was enough. Just being together was enough." 

Phil was disturbed out of his trance by his phone ringing, startling him. "Dad" he read on the home screen.