Together is enough // phanfiction

Part 38

Dan

His aching back wakes Dan up. With a loud groan he stretches his arms and feels the pain in his neck and back from sleeping sitting up. He rubs his eyes with his hands and then his eyes fall on his bed, empty. 

Dan stands up frowning, looking around the room. Not just Phil is gone but his clothes and stuff too. "Shit..." Dan mumbles as he grabs his phone from his desk. 08.37 am. He checks if he has any messages from Phil, but nothing. Now what? 

While putting on his jeans Dan hops out of his room. While walking down the stairs he smells breakfast being made. For a second he hopes Phil is sitting there, in the kitchen, just chatting with his mom. But of course this wasn't true, Phil hates him, and he has every right to.

"Hi mom." Dan scratches the back of his head as he walks into the kitchen. His mom is standing by a counter chopping up fruit for a smoothie. "Hi Daniel." She says before turning around and staring at Dan in a weird way.

"What?" he frowns before sitting down at the table. "What were you up to last night?" She asks while raising her eyebrows. Dan feels his stomach shrinking, the last thing he feels like right now is having to explain all this mess to his mom. 

"Nothing." he mumbles while avoiding her eyes. "Don't bullshit me Dan." she says while taking a step forward. Dan can now see she is quite angry. "You leave at 2 am with your car, stumble back in half an hour later, and this morning I hear someone walking and leaving the house which wasn't you because you're here." she crosses her arms.

She isn't often mad, honestly she never has a reason to be mad because Dan never does anything out of the ordinary. So now what? Is he gonna tell her? He can't tell her because then he has to explain why Phil didn't stay for breakfast and why they are fighting. And he definitely doesn't want his mom to get involved in the whole blackmailing situation because that won't end well for anyone. 

Dan bites his lip as he just stares down at his lap, trying to come up with an excuse that would make his mom stop asking questions. "What happened to you Dan?" his mom's voice turns from angry to sad in a split second. "You used to talk to me, we used to laugh and make jokes, but I don't even recognize you anymore." she shakes her head.

Fuck this hurt. He was really hurting her, he always knew that but it hurt even more when she confronted him with it. 

"Is this still because of what happened with Spencer in the locker room?" She now walks around the table so she is standing besides Dan. Dan shakes his head determined. "No mom, it has nothing to do with that." Dan grabs her hand. "Everything is fine, I promise." He gives her his best smile.

She obviously is not buying it. Dan actually doubts if she ever bought his lies that he was fine. He honestly hasn't been fine for the past year and his mom isn't stupid. Well... except for the times with Phil, he was fine when Phil was there. More than fine actually.

"Who was here last night Dan?" she says determined, pulling her hand away. "Don't lie to me." 

Dan bites his lip again and shakes his head. "I can't say."

Dan can actually see a flash of disappointment and hurt going through her eyes. For a few seconds she just stands there and stares at him. Dan could feel his insides being eaten up by guilt, he feels like punching himself in the face.

Then all of a sudden she just turns around and walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Dan can hear her sob as she walks away. He can literally feel his heart breaking in pieces.

Phil

"Hey Phillie!!" Spencer shouted through the phone a little too excited. "Hey Spencer." Phil mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. "Whatsup?" 

"You sound like you just woke." Spencer laughed. "Well that's because I did." Phil grunted as he sat up straight in his bed. "I got a major hangover man."

"Yeah no shit man. You drank a fucking shitton." Spencer said. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself tho... And Mia seemed to enjoy you too." he chuckle.

Phil sighed and let himself fall back on his bed. "Was it bad?" he said while closing his eyes. Spencer laughed again. "A little. At one point you guys were making out on the couch like your fucking lives depended on it." Phil grunted in embarrassment.

"But then I send you upstairs to one of the guest bedrooms and you continued your enjoyment of each other up there." 

"Why do I remember being outside?" Phil covered his eyes with his hand, trying not to think about what he did with Mia.

"Oh, somebody came to complain about the noise at about 1 am so I send everyone out, some guys wanted to continue drinking somewhere else and you went with them I think." Spencer said. "But hey don't change the subject, you lost your virginity last night right?!" Phil could hear Spencer smile.

"Uh yeah..." Phil hummed. Pause. "You don't really sound excited?" Spencer asked. "No no... It's great... I just..." Phil stammered. Was Spencer the right person to talk to about this? He didn't really have many other options. "I just expected it to be more... special?"

This made Spencer laugh. "Dude, you banged the hottest chick of the cheerleader squad, next to Jessica of course, what is more special than that?"

Phil sighed, of course Spencer wasn't the person to talk to about this. He wouldn't understand. "Yeah you're right." Phil just nodded, hoping Spencer would let it go. 

"Okay well dude, I got to go to work, see you Monday?" "Yeah, see you Monday." Phil mumbled before hanging up.

It made him feel weird, the entire situation with Mia. On the one hand it was great, a pretty girl liked him and he lost his virginity at least before his 18th birthday. But on the other hand it was nothing he hoped it would be.

For starters he was really drunk so now he can only remember half of it. And Mia was nice and really pretty, but she wasn't... well who was he kidding, she wasn't Dan. She was nice but he didn't have a connection with her, he didn't feel like he could actually talk to her. And he knew that what they did together meant a lot less to her than it did to him. 

Phil grunted loudly as he turned around in his bed and put his face in his pillow. Honestly, he wish he could take it back. He wanted to do it all again, but with Dan. And he hated that he wanted that. He hated that Dan had this power over him, but he did.