The Scars That Burn

Chapter 40

The water was freezing. It was technically part of the bay but since it was before the bridge I deemed it still the Pacific Ocean. Johnathan corrected me and said it is actually the Gulf of Farallones but I said if he didn't want to be pushed in it, he would agree with me that I finally stuck my toes in the Pacific Ocean. Either way I call it a win.

Our drive to the Muir Woods was long but beautiful. We decided to take a more scenic route which took about twenty minutes longer but the winding roads through the hills and forest were worth it.

We talked about his spirit theories because I couldn't let it go. I had no idea he believed in things like that.

He told me that he believed our souls had kindred souls that we sought out in each life. Maybe this life they were mother and daughter and in the next they would be best friends. He said he believed it was why when you meet a stranger you sometimes feel like you've known them forever and it's because our souls do. Soulmates could be friends, family or the traditional thought of your significant other. He believed, because of our deep connection and instant pull towards each other that our souls must know each other from past lives.

He was so matter of fact, nonchalant about it that I didn't even respond. He said it just sprinkled into his explanation. How do I respond to that?

His theory, as crazy as it sounded, did make some sense though. I don't know if I truly believe it but part of me hopes it is true. Maybe my parents would come back to me in the form of my own kids. It was creepy but amazing to think it possible.

But it also begged to ask the question, if Johnathan and I were in fact soulmates, would we end up together? Would the pull towards each other be too strong to ignore, no matter the circumstances?

On the other side of the coin, were Travis and I soulmates because I had always felt a level of instant familiarity with him too? Johnathan seemed to think you could have more than one, so maybe it was possible.

Who would I end up with? It was hard to explain but I knew it would be one of them. And right now it could be either of them. I wanted them both. I loved them both, differently but equal. The current circumstances didn't make it any easier to know which was right. I wanted to be faithful to Travis and be with him but this would be a challenging two months, even longer if I decided to stay permanently. I couldn't see Travis leaving New York, but Johnathan could. He would if we were together and I asked. I just didn't know what I wanted.

When we arrived we had to park and take a shuttle to the beginning of the trail, which is where I find myself now. Sitting next to Johnathan on a shuttle bus full of people. He gave me the aisle seat because he remembers I can get claustrophobic. He remembers everything and each time it makes my heart swell. He was taking back his space in there. Reclaiming it.

When we reached the stop, everyone filed off. Some people were with a tour while others like us were just on our own.

We walked towards the entrance, a giant wooden post structure held a sign saying "Muir Woods National Monument". It reminded me if the welcome sign at the ranch. I missed the ranch. And the man who owned it.

I looked at Johnathan and as if he read my mind, he turned to smile at me.

He takes my hand as if it were nothing, a normal thing. It feels anything but; wrong, right, weird and normal all at the same time.

I don't address it. I just let it be.

We walk on the wooden path, looking in awe and wonder at the majestic surroundings. We read the plaques as we walk by, most if the trees being more than five hundred years old. I read in the welcome packet the oldest is about twelve hundred.