The Scars That Burn

Chapter 42

My body felt unbelievably relaxed but tingly all over. It felt amazing. This was really good stuff.

"Okay so we will ask each other these questions and we have to answer honestly."

I rubbed my thighs with my hands. "What questions?"

"They are questions to get to really know someone. You said you liked to talk deep, these are pretty deep."

I nodded slowly. "Okay. Go for it. First question."

"Alright. First one is light. What's you're idea of a perfect day?"

I sip my wine contemplating. "Hmm. Honestly the other day was pretty great. Just being in nature, the beach maybe but in like Philippines or something where there is mountains and the beach. Drinking and relaxing all day then dinner and watching the stars."

"Yeah that does sound amazing. I like the sound of that. I think mine would be nature related too. I dunno what though. Maybe mountain climbing and sleeping in one of those tree house things. Okay next question I'll answer first. Let's see." He looks at his phone. "Who is your hero and why? Definitely my grandfather. He is a legitimate war hero. You?"

"My sister without a doubt and because she's the most resilient person I know."

He nods. "Have you ever told her that?"

"What? That she's my hero? A million times in the hospital. And then she would just say no, you are and we would bicker on who was more of a hero."

He smiles adoringly and then leans towards me, his face serious. "Hey Becca. You never did tell me the story of that night. Would you...would you tell me what happened?"

I bit my lip and then nodded looking down. I sighed before looking back up at him. He was waiting patiently for me to start.

"It was in the middle of the night, like two am. I was asleep on the couch in our back living room. The smell woke me up." Johnathan grabbed my hand, squeezing it for encouragement. "When I realized it was real, I started running towards our stairs. That's when I saw the smoke coming from my parents side of the house. The right side was their master suite. I was going to go to them but I heard Jess screaming. I think subconsciously I knew it was already too late for them. They weren't screaming."

Tears started to make their way down my cheek as I recalled the worst moments of my life.

"I went to her door but it wouldn't open. She just kept screaming, she was so scared. I was scared. After a few tries I was able to get it open. I apparently fractured my collarbone but my adrenaline was so high I didn't feel it." I wiped my face with my free hand. "There was no way out but back down the staircase. By the time I got to her, the flames were already in the hallway."

I looked at Johnathan who was staring at me with sad eyes. "I have never been more scared in my entire life. I thought we were going to die. I had just passed my bar exam, ready to start my life and I was going to die. Jess was about to start college and she was going to die. I just..somehow I remembered this thing I saw on TV. We wet a big blanket and towels to try to protect ourselves."

I took a breath in but it hitched in my throat and small sob escaped. "I should have went first. Jess was to my left, she was closer to the fire. I should have protected her. I should have been in her position. Maybe we wouldn't have fallen. She was so scared. I was her older sister, I was supposed to protect her and we fell. She's scarred for life because of me."

I broke down in an uncontrolled sob, finally saying out loud the guilt I had felt for all these years.

Johnathan rushed over, bringing me out of the chair and into his arms. He brings me down to him as he sits in the chair with me on his lap.