The Scars That Burn

Chapter 31

A/N Sexy times ahead (and a little longer chapter)

More than a week has passed since my official breakup with Johnathan. I still don't believe it's real. Maybe I'm in denial thinking that he will realize it was just a kiss and forgive me. There is nothing to support that theory. He hasn't called, texted or even emailed.

As for work, he's officially out. I already received an email from that Amelia woman introducing herself and explaining that Johnathan is going to be focused on expanding the business. I wondered how much she knew if anything at all.

At least he kept to his promise about our business. It's staying as usual, just minus him and I interacting.

I was starting work again in Monday. I got the all clear from Travis. That was an interesting check up this morning.

At first it was extremely awkward, neither of us really knowing what to say. He kept it professional and it bothered me to no end. Just as tears were threatening to make their way in my eyes he asked if I wanted to get coffee. I was allowed to drink it again thank God. I would not survive work with these sleepless nights without it.

We went to a cafe around the corner and talked. I told him everything and he just listened. Surprisingly he was just remorseful ad sad for me. Even though he knew we lived together and were serious, I don't think he knew just how serious.

We didn't talk about the kiss even though we both knew we should. I just can't handle dissecting that just yet. He did however ask me to dinner tonight and I agreed. I was reluctant but Jeffery left, Sam is out of town for work and I can't sit alone in my apartment feeling like shit anymore.

Jeffery leaving was awful. I'll see him at Christmas but his absence was felt the moment I watched him walk into the airport. I dreaded going back to my empty apartment.

He had been a distraction. I wasn't completely alone with him there but now, now I try to avoid being there. I never felt this way before. I've always lived by myself but I never felt alone. Nothing helps. I blare the TV or blast music throughout the apartment just trying to fake myself out, but of course, it doesn't work.

Even though I love my apartment I decided a change would be good. I started looking for a new place. I figured I could start new memories in a new place. That's the great thing about New York. You can move just a couple blocks and have it feel like a whole new place.

Sam offered that we could move in together and get a bigger place. I appreciated the gesture but she would never really be there so there wasn't any point. Plus I did like to have my own space, just not so much right now.

I need to do this on my own. I was Rebecca Johnson. I can overcome anything and I would be dammed if a breakup, no matter how brutal, would change me.

Looking at myself in the mirror though, it was hard to have confidence in that. My eyes were sunken in, surrounded by dark circles. I had lost weight. My appetite wasn't really existent and I had been walking a lot. Hours at a time just to be out of the apartment. The clothes I had just bought before Jeffery left were already loose.

No wonder Travis felt bad. You only had to look at me to see I was currently a shell of a person.

I wiped a tear from my eye before brushing out my wet hair. Maybe this dinner was a mistake. Maybe I wasn't ready. Even though Travis repeatedly told me it wasn't a date, to ease my mind, but it would be hard to have it feel like that. Before we kissed sure but not now. We both knew our feelings ran deeper than friendship.

Travis said we would keep it casual, just a popular tavern. We could eat burgers, have some drinks and hang out. It actually sounded amazing and as it got closer to him picking me up, I was getting more excited than anything else.