love within distance

chapter 11: how to say what you feel

after hearing what Allie had to say yesterday I knew I needed to confront nick about my feelings for him...but when...how ?? I'm scared. he's the first guy I have ever really liked I've never liked a guy this much before and to be honest its terrifying he's too important to lose I can't lose him not now, not ever ! he's the only one who really knows me inside and out he's been there for me from the start we've been friends for almost a year and I've loved every minute of it if I mess it up and I lose him I don't know what I'd do. he gave me a reason to smile again after everything that had happened with my parents. that kid saved me from my depression only god knows what would've happened if I didn't meet him, I need him..I need nick ! "hey Kristen, what are you doing at the park by yourself ? you should have came and got me I would've came with you ya know" his voice breaks me from my thoughts "hey nick I know I was going to but its Saturday and its 11 a.m. I know you don't like getting out of bed at least till 12 on weekends" I reply back. wow nice excuse Kristen. "yeah that's true but I'd get out of bed early any day if that meant spending time with you" he says sweetly as he pushes me on the swing. aww my gosh he knows all the right things to say to make my cheeks heat up, my stomach flutter with butterflies and my heart race uncontrollably. he does something to me I can't quite explain all I know is nobody else has ever came close to making me feel like this....he just makes me so unbelievably happy !! "ya know tomorrow will be 1 year" he say breaking the silence "huh" I ask. kinda confused on what he's talking about. he starts to laugh a bit "oh Kristy baby please tell me you didn't forget....tomorrow will make it a year of being friends, can you believe it...we've been friends for a year now how crazy !" he says to me his voice filled with happiness..it makes me smile...he remembered "yeah that's right 1 year of being friends with your obnoxious ass...how could I forget ?" I say teasingly. he chuckles a bit "you're a pain in my ass Kristen but this last year...being friends with you and all its been great,the best year I've had in awhile and I wouldn't trade it for the world, you're amazing Kristy don't ever let anyone tell you differently...I'm so lucky to have had the chance to become close to you and get to know you the way I have and vice versa i can actually open up to you i trust you with everything and i tell you it all. you know me better then anyone, you know things I've never told to anybody else. you mean a lot to me and I don't ever wanna lose you..you're my best friend and I absolutely love you...butthead !!" he tells me. I smile, wow he's seriously and truly the best. I love him ! "nick you're seriously the best..I dont know how I got to be so lucky but I did and I'm truly so happy i did you're amazing and I love you too best friend !" I reply back...yes I said best friend which he is but I want him to be more but him just calling me his best friend its obvious he doesn't want me that way and that's okay I still have him as my friend and that's all that matters...I'm just glad I didn't tell him my true feelings before he told me how he felt that would have been bad...we're still friends though so no harm done...thank god !