The Stoic And The Beast

Out Of My Mind With Worry

Jake's POV

I couldn't think about anything but Alicia since I left the hospital. I tried doing everything I possibly could to take my mind off of her. I couldn't get the image out of my head of her limp body as I laid her on that stretcher. I wasn't allowed to visit her. Her dad made sure of it. He didn't know who I was. Alicia surely hadn't mentioned anything about me to him. Or if she had, they wouldn't have been good things I'm sure.

My thoughts continued to drift back to that scary moment. Seeing her on that floor, the moment she was driven away in the ambulance and the last time I saw her smile. I texted her but was getting no response. I got little information from her friend Tyler whenever I got the chance to speak to him.

On the second day, I tried to help her family by easing the burden of her medical bills. I had her moved to a more spacious room with extra sleeping arrangements. I wanted her mother or father to be able to stay by her side until she woke up. Her small room didn't have space for a cot and didn't even have a comfortable chair to sit in. The new room was a suite. It was large. It had a television and a window bench big enough to sleep on. It also came equipped with a pull out sofa.

I knew these rooms well. I spent a lot of time in the hospital when I was younger. There were times when I was too adventurous for my own good. And then there was another time when I spent far too long in one of those rooms when my mom was in an automobile accident with a drunk driver. I spent months in one of those hospital rooms until eventually one day, she was taken off of life support.

Pushing those thoughts out of my mind, I dove headfirst into the pool with an almost silent splash. Though the pool was heated it still felt cold on my skin. I was trying not to think about the last day I ever got to see my mom alive. Although she was never conscious during her stay at the hospital, I was comforted by the thought that I could talk to her and hold her hand if I wanted to. Eventually, I knew she was suffering because as the days passed, I could see her body withering away leading up to her final moments. I was ready to say my goodbyes.

When I came to the surface and opened my eyes the blue glow of the lights under the water reminded me of Alicia's eyes. Like blue glass. The light rippled along the choppy surface of the water against the darkness of the starless sky.

I swam lap after lap just trying to keep my thoughts in check. Trying to swim away from the fear of never seeing her again. Lap after lap, I kicked and I paddled but it was no use. The images of her pale sickly face relentlessly forced its way in. The days seemed like weeks. I constantly checked my phone. It never left my hand. I went to the hospital several times but I wasn't allowed in nor given any hints at her condition. All I could do was stop by the gift shop to send something up to her room.

I sent her the biggest flower bouquets they had. I even had one custom made just for her. I didn't leave notes or any indication who they were from. I didn't want her dad to get even more upset with me. To him, I was just a stranger whom he thought had gotten his daughter pregnant. However brief that ridiculous thought was.

I went to her classes and took notes for her. Maestro told me the news that she had gotten accepted into the orchestra. I was ecstatic for her. I've been impatiently waiting for her to wake up so I could tell her and see that beautiful smile on her face. I'm not sure that I've seen her smile but once she hears the news she is sure to be grinning from ear to ear. For some reason, I even missed her when she was mad at me. Happy or mad, I'd gladly take either one. So long as she is okay again.

Besides swimming laps in the pool, I also spent hours laying in bed looking at the clock on the wall. Nothing could break me of the trance I was stuck in. When my phone rang I'd immediately answer not even checking to see who it was. But it was never her or her mom. It was always Luke or my dad. My dad was always away on business trips so I spent most of my time alone at home with just a housekeeper and the cook.