The Stoic And The Beast

Is This The End?

Alicia's POV

When Luke closed the door for me, I nestled deep into my seat getting comfortable. Nothing but happy thoughts from this perfect evening floated around in my mind. I was just about to buckle my seatbelt when I was startled by a deep raspy voice coming from the back seat of the car. Stopping me in my tracks.

"Don't fucking move or I'll slit your neck from ear to ear bitch."

Before I had a chance to escape or scream, an arm wrapped around my neck and something ice-cold was pressed against my throat. A thought lingered in my mind when the reality of what was happening sunk in.

Why do bad things keep happening to me and the people I love? Just kill me already you coward. Do it! I'm done! I screamed in my thoughts while subconsciously pressing myself deeper into my seat trying to get away from what felt like the sharp edge of a blade. I wanted to scream to warn Luke to run before he got in the car but my brain and my voice wouldn't cooperate. Every inch of my body was frozen with fear.

The realization hit me that if I died right now, like this, with a knife to my throat, I'd be dying exactly the same way as my mother did. I wondered if what I am thinking or feeling was exactly the same as my mom in the last moments before her life was prematurely taken from her. Was mom afraid? Did she cower? Did she fight? Or was she mad that her life was going to be snuffed out? Was she ready to die? Did she get a chance to make her peace with God? Did she suffer? Did she watch dad die? Was I afraid? Was I angry? Should I make peace with God? Am I ready to die? Should I fight? Will I die quick or slowly? Will it hurt? Questions raced through my head but only one thought that wasn't a question at all dominated every other thought rushing through my head. I AM going to die tonight

At first, I was frozen but my mind screamed at me to try to get away. So I struggled. I moved around to get away from the man's grip until I felt warm blood trickling down my neck. My blood. I realized I was pressing up against the blade as I twisted my body, causing it to cut me deeper. So I froze once more. I knew that if I kept struggling, I would certainly slice my own throat. Did I really want to die like this? No. I want to live. Time felt like it had slowed down to a standstill. It felt like forever before Luke reached his side of the car and got in. When he climbed in and shut his door, I could only manage to squeak out his name.

"Luke..."

At first, when he turned to look at me he was smiling. But as soon as he discovered I was in danger his facial expression melted into one of pure crippling fear. He immediately began trying to negotiate with the man in control of whether I lived or died. I could hear the fear in Luke's voice as he pleaded with the hooded man for my life. He pleaded with him to put the knife on him instead of me.

No, don't say that. He will kill you instead of me. My brain-voice whimpered like there was a separate being trapped inside my head. The thought of Luke being stabbed by that lunatic sent me into a flurry of sheer panic. My throat closed almost completely. I started to wheeze. No! No no no, Luke. Don't do that. Don't let him hurt you! Let him hurt me. I don't even feel anything. I'm okay. See? I'm not even in any pain.

I shook my head no at Luke subtly with wide teary eyes. I gripped the dashboard so hard that my nails began breaking under the pressure. I focused on Luke as best as I could through the flecks of silver that began darting around in my vision from the lack of oxygen. The flecks have become all too familiar these last few months. I have been seeing them appear whenever I have severe panic attacks.

I couldn't use words to protest Lukes own selfless pleas for the man to release me. The man was putting too much pressure on my windpipe. Plus the lack of being able to take a lung full of air prevented me from speaking. All I could do was cry silent tears. They spilled endlessly from my eyes. I slammed my eyes shut, not wanting to see the look of horror on Luke's face anymore. I shook with fear and hiccuped uncontrollably against the sharp metal edge of the knife.