The wicked and the brave (Book 1- Valhireya Series- Completed)

Chapter 11

Clara

Days turn into nights and nights into days. As the New year comes, I can't help but feel more and more hollow. There is nothing special in my life, nothing to make my blood run faster in my veins, to make my heart flutter with emotion. I'm just numb, an empty shell. I've wanted this life for myself. I keep telling myself every day that this is where I'm supposed to be, that this is the right thing for me, but I'm starting to realize I am wrong. I am not happy. I spend my time locked in my room, drowned in the darkness that seems to consume my mind.

Yes, you do choose your path in life, but what if sometimes you have to choose to take a leap of faith? What if the path you choose is actually the wrong one?

Victor's touch doesn't make me feel anything, not for a long time. His kisses feel like the ones of a friend. My blood doesn't boil for him, my heart doesn't yearn for his. This is not how I imagined love to be.

I want to feel the fire and lust consuming every cell of my body. I want to feel my knees trembling and my stomach fluttering with emotion. I want to feel wanted, treasured, loved. And what I have now is far from that.

I am unhappy. I would go as far to saying that I am miserable... and it's all my fault. I don't want to come home to Victor anymore. I don't want to wake up and see his face on the pillow next to mine anymore. I don't know what I want, but it's not this.

This has got to stop. There is no us anymore and now I see that clearly. There is just a routine that has settled upon our life and a fog that clouds our minds.

"Should I try to revive this?" I whisper to myself as Victor crawls into bed and wraps his arms around me.

He pulls me closer and starts kissing my neck while his hand travels towards my breast, grabbing it in his hold hand. He doesn't bother to take off my shirt, he just guides his other hand into my panties. He peels off my pants and panties, not bothering to carress my skin or kiss it. It wouldn't help anyway. My body is completely numb under his touch. I feel nothing.

He inserts a finger into my core and starts moving it in and out to get me wet, but without much success.

He locks his lips against mine and I start to wonder why I let him do this to me. I try removing his hand but he takes that as his cue to get on top of me. He enters me dry, making me gasp in pain. He moves slowly in and out, letting me adjust to the feeling. His head rest in the crook of my neck, while he keeps pumping in and out of me.

In this moment, I feel like I am betraying myself. I feel used, I feel like a piece of torn material that you don't need or care about. Tears run down my cheeks but he's too busy taking his fill of me and doesn't see it. My soul fills with disgust and I want this to end, but I know it will last too much if I don't do something. If I don't moan a little he won't come and the agony will last longer. I breathe in his ear and let out a soft moan and that does it for him. He comes on my abdomen and then goes to the toilet to bring some paper for me to clean up.

As he enters the shower, I feel tears running down cheeks.

This has got to stop! And it will stop!

Luca

Spending New year's Eve without her has pushed me to the edge of my sanity. Knowing that she has spent it with her boyfriend makes my blood boil with anger. I wanted to be the one to kiss her lips when the clock striked 12. I wanted to be the one to take her to bed and burry myself inside her.

Snap out of it, you idiot! You let this small woman crawl under your skin too fast. You don't do love, you just fuck them and leave them. You'll get over her after you get between her legs!

I pour myself some of the bourbon left over from the Christmas party and drink it in one go. I pour another glass and drink it all again.

"Drinking your feelings away again, little brother?" Gael's voice startles me a bit.

"By all means, everybody is a therapist in this family?" I roll my eyes annoyed.

"I gather you had a nice chat with Luna?" He smirks and pours himself a glass as well.

"A chat? More like an entire therapy session... that girl won't stop talking!" I let out a sigh and take another sip.

"Well, she's one smart cookie. Apart from the whole mind reading thing." He says and we both burst into laughter.

"So? Are you going to sit around all day and mop about Clara or are you going to actually do something useful?"

"I'm not mopping after...fuck it! What do you need me to do?" I sigh and decide to stop excusing myself. By now, both Gael and Luna know that I daydream about Clara. Why bother denying it?

"You could work on shielding your mind." He tells me and gets my attention. I put down the glass and lean against my desk.

"What do you mean?" I ask him curiously.

"Have you ever wondered how I managed to save Clara when her visions took over?" He asks me and pour himself another glass.

"I don't know. You're the best warlock I know. I didn't quite bother thinking about it." I raise my shoulders.

"Well, you should have. Apart from giving her my serum, I shielded my mind from her. I realized that her visions are caused by the fact that she can see inside your soul, thus linking your present estate with the future. It's quite simple, if you think about it."

"Sounds like alchemy to me." I answer him honestly and he lets out a small chuckle.

"Come on, baby bro. It will work on Luna as well." He doesn't need to say more.

"Why didn't start with that? I'd do anything to keep that pesky little thing out of my mind!" I burst into laughter and he follows me. The bourbon has gotten us very chatty and happy. Just like old times.

"Then it's settled! We'll use Luna as the invader of your mind and we will train you on how to shield yourself." He says and raises his half full glass.

I raise my glass and take a sip. Maybe not all is lost. Maybe there is a real chance to actually be with her without torturing her. I don't know what this feeling is, but it tells me that this is the right thing to do.