Four days. It had only been four days. Why did it feel like so much longer to her?
Beth was still curled up in her bunk, though it had to be close to three in the afternoon. The bus was still trudging along towards their next tour destination, but she couldn't care less when they got there. She just wanted to lay here and forget that she was even on a bus. She wanted to forget about the tour, and the band, and the music. She wanted to forget how much she loved this job and how many of her dreams had come true just by being here.
Mostly, she wanted to forget Hunter. She wanted to forget his kisses and she wanted to forget his smiles and his laughter and all the adorable things he did. She didn't want him in her brain anymore. She didn't want him in her life. It was too painful. She had known from the start that he was going to hurt her, but she had thought she was strong enough to handle it.
She pulled her iPod out from under her blanket so she could change the song. Sometimes she felt so connected with her iPod. Every song that came on was exactly what she wanted to listen to, and each one seems to fit her situation. Today was not one of those days. Her iPod hated her today. Every song reminded her of Hunter, and every other song was written by him. She couldn't take it.
She finally stopped scrolling on "I Can't Make You Love Me", the cover by Bon Iver. The lyrics poured through her headphones and she flipped over on her back, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay.
"Turn down the lights; turn down the bed. Turn down these voices inside my head," she whispered, following the morose progression of notes. "Lay down with me, tell me no lies," she continued, her eyes almost ready to give up the fight. No lies, no lies. He hasn't lied to you yet, Beth. When will you learn to trust that not everyone is going to hurt you? When will you figure that out?
It obviously wasn't going to be today. "I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't." She kept whispering the lyrics, feeling the shake in her voice getting worse and the throbbing in her throat tightening around the knot that was forming there.
She recalled the last few moments of the "Tattoo" video shoot with perfect clarity. Hunter's body against hers, his hair catching the rain that fell above them both. His eyes searching hers, almost as if they were asking permission to do what she had been paid to allow. His lips on hers, urgent and soft and warm. His arms curling around her, and her heart going at a speed she thought would kill her. She remembered that fleeting feeling of absolute safety, of startling security, just before Betsy's final call struck the air and she recalled that it was all a fake. It was nothing but an act. And he had walked away feeling no different about her than when they'd started.
She hadn't been so lucky. Every minute that she spent with Hunter threw her further and further into the treacherous hole she was digging. Every time she tried to climb out, the hole grew deeper and she fell even more. She couldn't help it, and she hated herself for it.
I am a stupid girl. I am only hurting myself. I can't have him. I can't let him know. I can't do this anymore.
She tossed her arm over her eyes and pressed them tightly shut. "I'll close my eyes, then I won't see the love you don't feel when you're holding me," she sang under her breath. "Morning will come, and I'll do what's right. Just give me till then to give up this fight, and I will give up this fight."
The tears wouldn't stop, and they kept coming until nearly five o'clock, when she heard the bus roll to a stop and felt the slow rocking movement cease. She dropped her arm from her face and wiped away the tears. She lay there for another thirty minutes, waiting for the puffiness to go down and the sadness to become manageable.
Finally, she climbed out of her bunk. She got ready for work, avoiding Hunter as much as possible.
I JUST WANT THEM TO CONFESS ALL READY! But I'm holding out for a more believable moment. (:
Okay, I'm going to just go ahead and do this. PLEASE read "Song Lyrics by Yours Truly". I'd love to know what you guys think of my music as it's being written and recorded. Also, I'm entering a singer/songwriters competition that could literally be the start of the rest of my life, so I'll be posting links on my wall and in my statuses and upcoming chapters about it. Please, please, please support me in this! It's extremely important to me or I'd never ask. You guys are the most amazing people ever! :3 Thank you so much in advance!
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Secret Love (Hunter Hayes Fanfiction)
Romantizm"I'm falling for someone who isn't falling for me." "I know exactly how you feel," he answered, leaning down and hugging her tightly. "Do you?" She hugged him back, willing him to know just how much she cared for him. He chuckled. "Yeah, I do." H...
