The Medium Kid

Chapter 42

"Koda, wake up." Morlen, as gently as he could, rocked his son's shoulder back and forth. The fabric of his jumper was ice cold. Koda jumped awake so suddenly that he didn't recognise his father at first, nor his surroundings. Everything around him was cold and dark and unfamiliar. He pressed his back to Enya's gravestone as Morlen lifted his hands, freezing on the spot.

"It's me, your dad!" Morlen grabbed his arms as Koda's eyes darted as far as the dim torchlight would let him see. "You're freezing!"

"I saw him," Koda whispered when his brain registered that Morlen wasn't a stranger. The only sound in the night was Koda's chattering teeth. "I saw Grandpa's dove."

Morlen felt the blood rush to his legs, draining colour from his face and tingling the hairs on the back of his neck. "Let's get you home, come on." He helped his son to his feet and guided him to the fence. It took a while to get Koda over the sharp poles injury free, but when they were safely in the car and under a brighter light, Morlen noticed blood on Koda's hands, smothering his pale skin. In his left hand, Koda gripped a handful of white feathers, drenched at the tips with blood too. Morlen slowed down his actions until he was like a cat moving around something he didn't want to disturb.

"It died." Koda had cried so much, he didn't know how more tears were pooling in his eyes. He didn't know how his voice was making sense. "The dove, it died and I took the soul."

Morlen's ears rang loud with a high pitched noise. "What dove?"

"Grandpa's dove."

Morlen's eyes were cemented to Koda's bloody hand. He couldn't move them, he was too horrified. "Did-" He cleared his throat. "Did you kill the dove?"

"No!" Koda gasped and the tears fell. "I tried to save it, but it was too injured! I couldn't save it, dad, I couldn't! She's gone because of me!" Koda sucked in his breath and the unbearable sorrow split his stability into two. "It's all my fault dad! I'm so sorry I couldn't be a better son!"

Morlen was distraught. His son sat next to him completely breaking down, blaming himself for his mother's death, and blaming himself for the way Morlen treated him over the years. There was nothing in the world that should make Koda feel an ounce of guilt.

"You've got it wrong, all of it," Morlen said sadly, resting a hand on Koda's knee to comfort him. "You did not take your mother's life, and you did not cause rifts in this family. Do you hear me?"

"I did," Koda whispered, feeling like he couldn't breathe. "You hate me."

Morlen realised that words were just not enough. He could tell Koda that he was guilty of nothing, and he had never hated him. At this ruptured time in their lives, actions would most definitely speak louder than words. Morlen got out of his car and walked immediately to the passenger side. He opened the door to Koda and forcefully wrapped arms around him.

His father's embrace was a foreign feeling. Koda didn't know his father was capable of physical affection. His arms around him were awkward and rigid, but Koda couldn't deny that he needed severe comforting. If it was his dad who could offer it, then so be it.

Koda hugged Morlen back, gripping his jumper and letting his tears soak into the wool. "I-I just want the pain to be over," he sobbed.

"Me too." Morlen closed his eyes, resting a hand on the back of Koda's neck, squeezing it and rubbing his thumb back and forth. "We'll get through it together like I promised, okay?"

Koda nodded, but he was far from believing his father's words. To truly believe him, he had to see it, experience it, live it.

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