Pregnant by my bestfriend

Is my heart lost or something

My heart and mind was wondering wild that night. I was lost, my mind was telling me stay away. But my heart was telling me it was where I needed to be. I was holding in my tears.. I couldn't be this weak. I had to be strong. I began noticing that my brother wouldn't even talk to me. I'm guessing it had to due with me telling him I was in love with Chad. And knowing that he hated and never wanted to see him. My bother would jump to another room as soon as he saw me. And I couldn't much blame him. I kinda hated myself too. For letting him come back in like this.. He eventually locked hisself in his room. I knew he was truly mad at me. I had Landon in my arms and tears rolling down my face. The door was lock, so no entrance unless you knocked and told me who you where. I was breaking all over again.

I wanted this perfect little family, a perfect little family with Chad. But Chad ruined all chances of me having that.. His son looked so much like him it kills me, if he denied me and him, he couldn't for long, people would know how Landon was to much like him. And they would be expecting something. So when it came to us, there would be no us. I couldn't be hurt nor could I trust him again.

I was looking at Landon and he was crying. It wasn't aloud cry. It was a pout. I checked his diaper, nothing. I tried feeding him. Wasn't hungry. He didn't have gas. I really didn't think of anything else.

He was just pouting, like he wasn't happy. So I began rocking him, I was singing to him. My son came before my own feelings. No matter how out I was he came first.

Then, there was a knock.

"Will you please open up" it was Chad. I knew it was Chad. I got up holding Landon and unlocked the door. He stood there looking like a wreck. He had reddened eyes, messy hair.

"What?" I asked rocking Landon still. He was looking at us. He extended his hands for his son. And I nodded and handed him over. He didn't fletch one time with the passing.

"Please I just need us, our family. I seen you and him. If he takes my spot. I can't handle that. I just can't" he told him. Looking at Landon. I couldn't break, not now. I looked at him again. And he was rocking him.

"I.. I can't" I told him. I barely got it out. I didn't know why I was telling him no.

"Why?" He begged for an answer. I wasn't about to seem weak, nor was I about to seem afraid.

"Cause I am stronger now, I am better. You broke me. I am happy being whole." I told him looking him in the eyes. I could see the pain I caused by my simple but painful words. He just stared at me and nodded.

"But I do love you. And I need you, and our family" he told me. I had my head titled back. I couldn't focus. I was losing it. I was trying my hardest not to break.

"You and I both know he needs both the mother and father" he added. Getting up, and putting Landon in his crib. He came back sat beside me and took my hand.

"I don't know what to think" I said lightly. He just looked at me. "I mean I thought he needed you and I. But you changed, and you've hardly seen your son grew up lately. And it kills me. But look at us. Look at our relationship. Our friendship.. It's over" I said letting some tears fall down.

"We can change that, we can pick up. Fix everything. I can earn your trust back. I can show you how much I love you and him. Just don't. Please don't do this to me" he begged me. I closed my eyes. Not knowing if I could go back to him. I took my hands and he was looking at me.

"I.. I.. I um. Need time" I said. He just looked at me.

"I understand" he said. Shaking his head. I knew he didn't.

So I started..

"What if I left, what if you was in my shoes? What if I choose someone over you? Cause you thought I was going to cheat? And I actually did? What if I went out with that guy? What if I said that I didn't know which one was more important? What if I just forgot about the past? What if I forgot about picking up the pieces to your ex? Hmm? What if?" I asked he looked at me.

"What would happened if I came over and walked out to talk to him on the phone? What about if I left early to help him out? What about if I told him I loved him in front of you? Or even kissed in front of you?" I asked.

"I.. I'm.. Josie.." Was all he said. He knew I was right. And that's the bad thing.

"Don't.." I started. He didn't say anything.

"I loved you. For the longest.. I was so happy when we started dating.. I thought we would work out" I said looking down. He just took my hand.

I tried not to break. I tried being strong. I said what I had to say. And I was hoping he'd leave. He looked at me.

"We fought, how could you be happy? I put you through crap, how? You still loved me. I never appreciated you. Not till it was to late! I done the most wrong thing ever. I shouldn't have and I did! I loved you I really did. But I was stupid and wrong for what I did! No one should have been out through that. Put through not having the babies father at the very start cause he was to scared. Then at the end cause he cheated!" He told me I was crying. I was strong. I was weak. I still loved him. After everything I did.

"You gave me the best thing. And that's all I can thank you for" I said looking away. I tried cutting my words to make him hurt.

"And he's ours not anyone else's can't you see that? We belong together" he shouted. Then I snapped.

"Yes we do! Do you not understand that when you was cheating when he was born?! You was suppose to be there holding my hand! Telling me I'm okay! But you know what you didn't! You was with her! You was sleeping with her! You had her! Cause you thought I was doing that! I wasn't i was inlove with you! I wanted you! No one else!" I told him and his eyes was wide. Truth be told I always loved him. It's always been him.

"I'm sorry I messed up" he told me. Then got up. He had our son and was looking at me.

"I really want this" I told him. "But I can't trust you Chad you cheated on me" I told him. He was looking at me and holding our child.

"One more please" he asked me. I was close to giving in when my brother walked in.

"If you're getting back you may wanna wait." He told me. My eyes widened.

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Well this chapter is done.

Cliff hanger😏

What do y'all think?