Falling In Love

Chapter 25 • 2007

Aleasha

Two years had passed now since Tom and Diana broke up. I hated it. Tom and Diana didn't speak really anymore - as was normal for a couple who went out for five years then broke up - but I still wanted to be friends with both of them. I'd phone Tom up and ask him if he wanted to go to the cinema and then I'd phone Diana and she'd ask if Tom was going. Then BAM! Diana wasn't coming. So I'd turn up at the cinema and Tom would ask if Diana was coming. I'd say no but sometimes Diana would show up with some other friends (something she seemed to have much more of now she didn't hang out with the rest of us as much) and BAM! Tom and I would be spending the rest of the film in awkwardness. It was awful. There was nothing that was anything like how our friendship used to be. It was either hanging out with Tom or Diana. Not both. Never both. Before, when the boys took us on tour with them, Diana would come with us of course. Shawny, Ruby, Megz, Diana and I would always cheer the guys on from the front row then go back to the bus with them after and all hang out together. Now though we had to leave Diana behind. It was just me, Megz, Ruby and Shawny. I loved them all and they were amazing and we still had tonnes of fun, but it wasn't the same. It seemed quieter and as if there were an empty space where Diana should be sitting or standing or sleeping.

This was one of those times now. But it was more noticeable than ever - we were in Australia. Not that we'd ever all been to Australia before, but we were there for a couple of months and it seemed strange to not just hop in a car and arrive on Diana's doorstep in minutes. She was halfway across the world from us! One day we were on the beach and Danny had gone to get us some ice creams. For some reason I decided to bring up a conversation that had never been brought up. It was kind of an unspoken rule that everyone obeyed, but it was just Tom and me on the beach so I thought - why not?

"Tom...why did you break up with Diana?" I asked as I turned to look at him.

"What?" He replied, sounding surprised.

"Why did you break up with Diana?" I repeated, suddenly realising why it was never talked about. Oh well, too late to turn back now.

"I...I was sort of hoping you wouldn't ask me that." He said, looking down with a light chuckle.

"Oh...um, sorry, I was just wondering. You know, cos you never actually told anyone." This conversation was getting more awkward by the second.

"Yeah."

"Did you...did you stop loving her?" I asked, thinking that if it was awkward for me it was probably awful for Tom.

"No."

"So then you still love her?"

"I-I guess. Yeah, I guess I do. But I love someone else more. That's why. I loved her so much, but I loved someone else more and it wasn't fair on her. I didn't think it was fair to be in a relationship with her when, really, my heart belonged to someone else." He said.

"Oh. Right." All these years I'd felt sorry for Diana. Tom never told her or anyone why he broke up with her and I thought it was unfair. After five years of their relationship and an additional two years of friendship I thought that at the very least she deserved an explanation. And I still did feel sorry for her. But I couldn't help but feel more sorry for Tom. He had to live with the fact that he loved another woman more than the one he was meant to be with and then had to make the decision he did. Did he stay with her and forget that he didn't love her as much as another woman or did he leave her? Leave the woman that he still loves because he loved someone else more. I couldn't begin to imagine how hard that must have been for him.

"If you don't mind me asking...who did you love?" I was treading on dangerous ground but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Er...well, um, that would be you." He said. What did he just say?

"Me? Y-you loved me?" I stuttered.

"Yeah..."

"Oh...okay...but that was two years ago. I mean, you loved me. Past tense. You don't love me anymore. Right?" He gave a small, light-hearted chuckle before replying.

"Yeah."

A week later we were all hanging out at the rented house in the evening. Turns out that Australia still got a lot of the channels you got in England so we were all sat around the TV watching Friends. All the others went to bed so it was just me, Danny and Tom in the living room. After the last episode finished Danny said he was going to bed.

"I'll be up in a minute." I said. He leaned in and gave me a kiss before going upstairs. I noticed Tom glanced at us and his gaze stayed on me for a little while after Danny left. A minute or two passed before I said the thing that had been lingering on my mind for a week.

"You still love me don't you." I said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I knew it was true. And then he nodded. We looked at each other for a few seconds and it happened before I knew it. He leaned in slightly then stopped, but then I leant in. The next second we were kissing. It didn't last long at all. I pulled away and stood up then he stood up too and we were standing opposite each other in the most awkward silence possible.

"Tom I -"

"No. No no no. That didn't happen. That never happened. I can't believe I did that. What was I thinking?"

"I have a boyfriend Tom. I shouldn't have kissed you. We shouldn't have kissed each other." I said, panic rising within me.

"You think I don't know that?! Your boyfriend is my best friend and my band mate. So don't go telling me that we shouldn't have done that because I know fully well we shouldn't have!" He almost yelled.

"Ssh! Do you want to wake everyone up and tell them? And don't you dare say that! It takes two people to kiss you know! And you started it!" I said in an angry, whispered hiss before storming out the room and going to bed, not quite able to believe what had just happened.