When there's only me and you - Tyrus

TJ & Cyrus - Chapter twenty six

"so when are you going to tell him," amber grilled me after Cyrus left, I didn't believe that he had really had to help his dad but I didn't know why he had left. And I definitely wasn't listening to amber, I just keep looking out the window.

"tell him what?" I turn back after I can't see him from my spot in the window amber has this look that I've been getting from her since we where toddlers the 'are you really asking me that' face. she normally glares at me like that when I've asked a dumb question.

"I don't know TJ let me see, oh I got it how about that we slept together the summer before ninth grade about two weeks before you started dating Cyrus, or that you were offered a spot at NYU right out of high school and that if you get it you'll be living with me, or-" she starts on counting on her fingers all the things I've neglected to tell Cyrus,

"I see your point" I cut her off pushing her hands down onto her lap as I looked around to see if anyone had heard, as she gives me the look one last time then her eyes go soft her ice-cold glaring eyes look sad for me for just a second.

"you can't keep hiding this stuff from him," her voice is quiet and soft. She puts her hand on my shoulder facing me completely and I know this means she completely serious. "if you do I'll have no choice but to tell him my self," and there it was the real reason she came home from school on her reading week. The amber I know would never come back here for fun when she could be having fun in New York.

"your therapist," I ask and she nods looking down she takes her hand back down into her own lap, she lets out a small sniffle and takes a deep breath.

"he says that keeping all these things between us is not only harming my ability to form serious relationships but can become a problem in your relationship, You know my childhood wasn't the best and I know yours wasn't but I think if you be more open with Cyrus, it will get better," she shrugs I know the words are right from her new therapist he's really been helping her but he seems to feel the need to butt into my relationship with her saying its unnatural.

"his parents are fighting," I admit my voice in a whisper because I don't want anyone to hear its not my problem to share, and trying to make it sound like it was an excuse,

"Oh," amber for once in her life can seem to think of anything to say, she's quiet and still as I continue

"I want to but, I can't seem to find the right time," I shake my head I know that's not true but for now it is.

amber had to get home for dinner but I start walking down the main streets, with one question in my head

How do you tell your boyfriend you slept with a girl years ago that you were now going to move in with?

How do you tell anyone that really I was going to have a hard time telling him that I was going to school in New York like for real we had talked about it. sorta, I had told him I was planning to apply to NYU, and he seemed okay with it, but the look on his face when amber mentioned New York. 

I hadn't officially accepted not yet anyway, I kept thinking about the  future, thinking  about if  I left and when so far away, would our relationship survive, so many before had failed,  but if I stayed, would I be giving up my dreams, 

its like this I can see  a future where I'm with Cyrus and we have two kids and a nice home and I'm hopelessly in love with him, but then I can see a future where I have my dream job and I work in a huge city and I love what I do it helps that I'm really good at doing to to. they seem to be in two different directions and I have no clue what to pick because I can't have one without sacrificing the other. 

Cyrus 

when I finally get home I can't sleep, so I lay there just thinking, and I hear a door slam. I pretend I didn't hear it because if I did actually hear it, my life might just fall apart a little bit more, I can drown out my thoughts because I can't find anything good to watch on youtube. 

so I just lay there and think 

about what well 

I think about what I want to happen in my life. I want to get into a good school, but I don't know what in yet maybe become a therapist because I'm good at it, but at the same time I've been solving other peoples problems since middle school. so maybe I can pursue teaching I've always loved the idea of teaching. 

I keep coming back to this thought in my head and I'm in a warm home and I have a young daughter with Blue eyes and blond curls resting on my lap. a slightly older boy with messy dark hair runs around playing with his toys. then TJ come into the living room and he hands me and coffee and we don't say anything but he puts his arm over my shoulder and I rest my head on his shoulder. 

then the room gets torn apart and I'm alone in a small drafty apartment, I can see my self just working on a laptop. typing away my time days and night pass and I just work at my computer no one comes and no one goes its just me. 

my eyes fill with tears so I do what I promised my self earlier I wouldn't do. 

after five rings the phone is picked up, 

"I'm sorry it's really late, but," I can hear the crying in my voice 

"it's alright"