When there's only me and you - Tyrus

Cyrus & TJ - chapter thirty - three

TJ 

there are days that I still miss him, I keep his photo up on my wall, because I still love him, even if he hates me, 

"whos the pretty boy," Joshie askes, we were shoved into my rooms when Amber brought her date home, 

"his name is Cyrus, he was my boyfriend from the beginning of ninth grade until about a week before I came to new york," I reply I don't even need to look up from my laptop to know hes pointing at Cyrus photo. 

its this cheesy selfie he took in my old jersey doing a stupidly adorable face his nose is all scrunched up and hes got his lips in a duck beak, he hated that photo so I had it in my locker all of the tenth grades. 

"hes cute," Conner laughs, "I never took you for the type to date cute boys," 

"Cyrus was the reason I could even come out to my family, I knew everything about him, he got mad at me for something that happened before we dated we fought broke up and I flew to new york to go to school with amber," I place down my textbook I wasn't studying anyways and I look at his picture. 

"did you fight for him," Conner asks he looks me dead in the eyes his dark hazle into my light blue I break and I'm staring at the floor pushing a discarded sweated over to the side with my foot

"Not really," My voice comes out more like a whimper, I so badly want to say I did, but If I had I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be having this conversation. 

"how can you stand here and tell us you love him if you didn't fight for your relationship with everything you had," Conner jerked my head up with his fingers leaving them right under my chin his touch was cold. 

"did you with Marco," I ask conner almost falls back as he looks damaged, I shouldn't have said his name, I shouldn't have said that at all. 

"Marco never loved me, he loved himself and I could never get him to love me the way I thought I loved him, so I let him dump me for some blond in his writers class, I needed to let go, tell me right now that you need and have let go of this boy," Conner asked me stepping back forward his hands grabbing my shoulders, 

"Y-yes" I stammer out I don't see Joshie leave and I don't see what Conner has planed, 

"then you won't mind if I," He takes my hand holding it in his tracing his thumb against my knuckles, 

"I don't," My words are clear but I don't feel confident, I'm scared I wanted him to stop. 

"Alright then," hes so close hes about an inch shorter then me so he leaned down slightly and starts to suck on the base of my neck, I know he'll stop if I tell him to, and he stops for a second looking up at me, 

I'm afraid he left a mark for a second but then he kisses me and I snap out of it pushing him back. 

"Don't" I breath out all I can think is that I've betrayed Cyrus in some way, I've hurt him again.

"Okay," Conner steps back 

"your right I haven't, I Love Cyrus I might always love Cyrus I don't know I haven't gotten that far yet," I tell him and I fell tears starting to pool in my eyes as the door softy opens and joshie pulls me into a hug. 

"why not let go," Conner asks me, as he sits on the edge of my bed. 

"because then it really has to be over, you know we had this spot under this really old tree we haven't been there in a while but, when we where there it was like time had stopped, and I didn't have to worry," I grin, "will I ever find  that again," 

"if your willing to love someone, but maybe you have to actually finish this thing with Cyrus, may that be cutting all ties or starting over," Joshie told me. 

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CYRUS

I hate whoever the hell Joshie and Conner are, and what seventeen years old calls them self Joshie. it's on his personal Instagram and everything, Joshie.R what kind of user name is that. what even is Conners deal hes got so many different boys on his Instagram that he calls baby it's not even laughable. 

what might be laughable is that I have been stalking two guys who seem to have done nothing wrong but hang out with my ex and I hate them. 

"are you still looking at that guy's page." Buffy rolled her eyes as she grabbed my phone from my hand "I'm five seconds from deleting your Instagram, is this a secret account to stalk these guys," 

"their pages where privet, don't you live four hours away and have school tomorrow." I mock pulling my phone back from her hand, I had an account fro stalk people so it's not a big deal. 

"I have a P.A Day tomorrow and andi told me you've been moping and stalking these boys all week give it up, either fly to new york to win back TJ or move on," she huffed 

"I should fly out to new york and surprise him, and if he gives me a positive reaction Ill ask him to be with me again and if its negative Ill is sad." I jump up, nothings sounded so right in my whole life. 

"I was kidding about the flying to new york Cyrus that's crazy." Buffy shakes her head but I'm running around trying to find the thing. 

I'll prove I'm better then any Conner or Joshie could ever be, there are a million corners and joshes but what I had with TJ that's doesn't come so easily, why I gave it up that easy. 

I just don't know.