When there's only me and you - Tyrus

Cyrus - chapter Twenty-eight

this is up late because I have NTS (national theatre school festival formally known as Sears) this week and I got really caught up listening to the death note musically and I just had to dance around my bedroom whoops 

"I'm sorry it's really late, but," I can hear the crying in my voice

"it's alright"

"its alright" TJs voice cuts me off, I'm worried that I woke him but I know his sleepy voice, and that isn't it. has he been awake this whole time, "Cyrus are you alright?" 

"Yeah, I just I forgot to tell you something but I can't remember what it was," I lie because I'm upset with him, I don't really have a good reason why but I am, 

"so did I" He takes a deep breath then starts, "I got accepted to NYU im moving in with amber at the end of next summer," 

I hang up, and I toss my phone across the room, I should be happy for him, but I'm not. not even a little bit, everything hurts there's this pain in my chest I can't really explain and I'm crying again, New York is so far away there's a time difference, 

I don't exactly remember falling asleep but I see andi and buffy hovering over me when I wake up I must look like a mess, 

"he told you?" andi asked did she know how could she know that TJ was going to go so far away for school 

"You knew," how could andi know before I did and a small part of me for just second hope that it's all a joke or a set up for something later but andi's face doesn't waver shes upset and it shows.6

"I didn't really I mean I guessed that amber and TJ had slept together but you to seemed so happy together that I never brought it up," andi stumbles through her words, 

"he what," I stop her TJ slept with amber, when, why, does it mean something

"was that not what he told you about," 

"he told me that he was going to school in new york and that he was going to live with amber, I didnt know he had slept with her, what" and then I'm panicking what if something happens in new york, I never thought that TJ would cheat on me but what if he does, 

what if he breaks my heart for her. 

Buffy talking back I can't hear her all I can here in the blood in my ears as I lay back down and pull the comforter back over my head because if I cry in front of them then I have to admit that it hurts to think about TJ with someone else, it hurts to think that he wasn't mine at some point. 

"Cyrus you can't hide under the blanket" Buffy pulls back my covers giving me a worried look 

"I think thats what I can do clearly I don't have to go to school," 

"No actaully we have to leave for class now, Buffy doesn't by you do," Andi checks her watch then tosses me a sweater and almost imdelty grabs it back. "not this one," 

"give me his basketball hoodie, I just need it for something" I put my hand out 

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I'm worried the longer I wait that Ill give in, that I'll forgive him without any answers I've done that before but we where younger then when he could smile and I would forget whatever it was he had done. 

I wasn't that anymore, Or at least I tried not to. 

"sorry I'm late I got held up in math," TJ places down his school bag next to the bench "what did you want to talk about," 

"Andi told me you slept with amber," I start before he can start I shut it down. "Just let me finish, It's not that you slept with her, because from what I know it happened before we started dating but you never thought to tell me, you know everything about me, things I don't want to know about me and you're just keeping secrets." 

"I know, but that's been my whole life," he scratches his neck 

"I know but what do you want me to think, then you tell me that you're going to move in with her," I don't make any eye contact I just look ahead at the small man-made lake 

"I would never cheat," TJ Hughes I know he wouldn't, but I've planed what I need to say next, and I don't hesitate 

"I think we should break up," for a second I don't think he's understood what I said 

"what" his voice is a horse as if he's going to start crying if he cries then I think I'll take back everything I've said but then I suppose even my self, 

"how can I trust that something would just happen and its one mistake but one mistake makes it so much easier to make the next one, I have to protect my self, and this is the only option," I snuffle where not looking at each other where both looking any as if that will make this easier 

"we both know that it's not the only option," he scoffed 

"I don't want to get hurt," I yell I haven't yelled at anyone since I was 12 years old I hated yelling but I thought it was the only way to get my point to him, I takes my face in his hands and makes me look at him he studies my face like this will be the last time he'll see me, and I think for a second that it might be. 

"your always so afraid of getting hurt, you've spent your whole life stopping your self from getting hurt and you've forgotten to release that if you don't get hurt then you'll never know how to fight for anything," he whispers witch is scarer then yelling because he's fighting so badly, and I just want to run away 

"you act like its just that easy," I touch his hand and he kisses me, I don't push away but he pulls back fairly quickly 

"well here this then, you may have saved your self from getting hurt but you just hurt me more than you'll ever know," He stands up then walks away as-far-as I can see he only walks and when he's out of sight I start to cry