REMEMBER // Calum Hood

Forty seven // delivery

One week turned into two weeks and before I could realize, I hadn't seen Calum for almost a month. Time was working on our favour though and we had no problem adapting into a new routine, creating new traditions. Of course I still missed having him here with me, physically, but I could count on his company for a lot of things, and honestly, it wasn't even half as bad as I thought it would be. Like the other night, we managed to watch a movie together. Calum in Australia, in his childhood bedroom - which he gave me a tour and showed me all his soccer jerseys from the time he used to play - and I in L.A., in the house he bought with his own money.

"What is this science fiction? Who would dump Ryan Gosling?" I heard him protest and looked at the screen to see him frowning "Get it together, Emma Stone"

Yes, I made Calum watch Crazy Stupid Love with me because even though I'd seen it already, this movie is just too good. Next I plan on making him watch La La Land since he refuses to watch The Notebook - too cliche, is what he said. It wasn't suddenly easy being away from him, but at least we were doing our best not to let the distance bother us. Not a single day went by that we didn't talk to each other, if not on Facetime, over text.

"My entire family is coming to the show tonight" He told me the night before because by the time Calum got on stage, it would be 3a.m. in L.A. "I can't believe you've never been to one of our shows"

"I know, it's almost offensive"

The time difference  was the most confusing part - and the most terrible one. Sometimes I would forget to wish him good luck on a show because to me the show is tomorrow, but for Calum it is already tomorrow. I said it was confusing. Perhaps Cal was used to it already because it wasn't a struggle for him. He'd remember the Sunday lunches with my parents, my classes schedule and even the day Matty and Ruby would go to his house. I, on the other hand, almost called him in the middle of the night  to tell him about how Duke woke up inside one of his drawers. After that almost incident, I downloaded an app that showed me the time and even the weather anywhere in the world. Another habit I was getting from Calum, apps for all types of things.

"What's for dinner, hon?" He asked while I showed him Duke rolling on the floor

That's the time we would talk the most - after lunch for Calum and before dinner to me. It was cute to see him squeeze me anywhere he could in his tight schedule. A lot of times we weren't able to talk as much as I'd like to, but I knew he was making an effort and that's all that mattered to me. He'd call when they were in the car, going to the venue for soundcheck; he'd call when he was grocery shopping for his mom; he'd call when he was walking on the street, going from an interview to another.

"I don't know, popcorn maybe" I said "I'm too lazy to even order something"

This house was still incredibly big for just myself. I was used to sharing the smallest apartment ever with two very loud boys so you can imagine how lost I felt sitting alone in this huge living room. But little by little, I was making progress. I started eating at the table again, with the other 9 empty chairs judging me like someone who was stood up on their birthday party. Like I had invited a bunch of people and no one showed up. But after a while I started playing a little game, every night I would come up with a list of people that were coming over to have dinner with me.

"And who's joining you for dinner tonight?" Calum would ask almost every night, making me smile

I love how he embraces and encourages these silly things that cross my mind. It's so stupid but it really worked to make me fell better. Not only did Cal excitedly waited for an answer, but he'd also discuss my choices and sometimes make his own list. That night I chose Freddie Mercury, Hilary Clinton, Frank Sinatra, Beyonce, Elvis Presley, Oprah, Mick Jagger, Joan Jett and Prince Harry just to compensate the fact that the night before I'd chosen the entire Taylor Swift Squad, making Calum groan. It was a stupid game but made my meals less lonely. Sleeping in bed was still the hardest part, but wearing Calum's T-shirts and hugging his pillow made it a bit easier.